A Piece Of You
by charmed4lifekaren
Summary: "As long as I have this shield a piece of you will always be with me." Were some of the last words that Steve said to Howard before he left his love to fight Red Skull, unknowingly leaving a piece of him inside Howard.A piece in the form of a precious life that would spend almost 25 years in a frozen state, until Howard figured out how to break the state, giving life to their child
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Everything belongs to their rightful owners.

 **AN1:** So after seeing Civil War three times, so far, I am in a deep Steve/Tony focused mood, and because of that I wanted to write something, and after some help I came up with this idea. I may continue the one shot I wrote, but I wanted to try my hand at writing something else first. This will be, starting next chapter, post AOU, but with no Bruce/Nat romance and no Barton family. There will also be refrences to thinks learnt in CACW, starting from next chapter.

* * *

 **March 3** **rd** **1945**

As he lies in bed in the arms of the man he loves Howard Stark finds the rest of the world slips away, as he lays on Steve's chest and hears the rhythm of his heartbeat it is easy to imagine that the word outside of the bedroom of Howard's London house doesn't exist. As he lies on Steve Howard forgets all about the war ranging on outside, he forgets all about the fact that in a few short minutes Steve has to leave to take down a Hydra base, he forgets about the real possibility that this could be the last time they are together.

"What's going on in that amazing head of yours?" Steve's voice asks, as Howard feels him staring to run his hands through his hair.

"Nothing much, I'm just thinking about how much I don't want you to leave." Howard admits.

"I have to, Howard, this is our shot at Red Skull. We might finally be able to stop him." Steve reminds Howard.

"I know; I just don't want you to go. I want us both to stay right here." Howard admits.

"I know." Steve says as he places a kiss on Howard's head, honestly wanting the same thing, "But we both know that neither of us can stay in this bed forever. We both have things we need to do." Steve says, honestly he doesn't want to leave, but he knows he has to.

"Once this mission is over we're coming back here and neither of us are leaving this bed for like, three days." Howard informs Steve.

"Deal." Steve responds as he leans down and kisses Howard, causing Howard to respond enthusiastically.

After about a minute of passionate kissing, and even though they both wish that they could continue, both Steve and Howard reluctantly break apart.

"I've got to go." Steve says as he looks over at the clock.

"I know." Howard says, and Steve leans in and gives Howard a quick kiss before he gets out of bed.

Once Steve is out of bed he starts to look around for his clothes, Howard watching him the entire time, unconsciously memorizing the view.

"Where'd my uniform go?" Steve asks as he looks around and sees no sign of it.

"I think it is somewhere on the stairs, or the hallway." Howard says as he throws off the blanket and stands up.

"Yeah, that'd make sense." Steve admits and he heads to the door, when he gets there Steve opens the door, once he opens it Steve finds a pile of clothes, searching through the clothes Steve throws a pair of pants at Howard while starting to get ready himself.

For the next couple of minutes Steve searches for his clothes, and puts them on as he finds the individual items. Once he has them Steve returns to the bedroom where he finds Howard only wearing a pair of pants and holding his shield.

"My helmet was on the statue." Steve says with an amused look on his face.

"That's new." Howard says with a grin, "If I keep this does that mean you have to stay?" Howard asks curious, knowing that it is petty but wanting Steve to stay.

"No. I've got to go, you know that." Steve says, being pretty sure that these goodbyes are getting harder, "I love you." He tells Howard, even though it isn't the first time he has said the words to Howard to Howard they mean just as much, if not more, to hear them now than they did the first time.

"I love you too." Howard responds and the two of them once more exchange a kiss, a kiss that they both know could be their last but neither wants to think about. As they kiss Steve takes his shield out of Howard's hands.

"It's time." Steve says as he rests his head on Howard's forehead as his hands wrap around Howard's waist.

"I know." Howard responds, "I wish I was going with you, you might need me."

"I always need you." Steve responds, meaning that, "But it's safer for you to stay."

"I know." Howard responds, even though he wishes it wasn't true.

"But Howard, as long as I have this shield a piece of you will always be with me." Steve tells Howard, telling the truth, "I've got to go."

"You've got to go." Howard repeats and after one more brief kiss Steve turns and walks away, Howard watching him go like he has so many times before, not realising that this time is different, not realising that this time he is watching Steve go for the last time.

* * *

 **Fourteen months later**

It has been fourteen months since Howard watched the man he loved walk away from him for the last time and ever since then Howard has been struggling to function, he has been forcing himself to go on because, despite what everyone has told him, he knows that Steve is alive and he knows that he will find him.

Even though it has been a long few days for Howard, what with kidnapping, brainwashing and almost killing a lot of people, but he isn't resting like he should because he needs to figure out how to destroy everything that was stolen from him. As he does Howard realises that there is no way that Steve's blood was broken during the events that have occurred.

"Peggy has to have it." Howard says, feeling hope for the first time in months, and so, without another through Howard goes running out of his house, running to the apartment he gave Peggy.

* * *

As he drove pretty fast, even by his standards, Howard is able to get to the apartment he gave Peggy relatively quickly.

"PEG! PEGGY YOU HERE?" Howard yells as he enters the apartment, "PEGGY." He yells as he makes his way down the corridor.

"I'm right here." Peggy says as she walks out of one of the living areas, "What's going on?"

"Where is it?" Howard asks, his voice full of desperation.

"Where's what?" Peggy asks, faking confusion as she is pretty sure that she knows exactly what Howard is asking about.

"Steve's blood. I know it wasn't smashed, where is it?" Howard asks.

"I poured it out, off the Brooklyn bridge." Peggy informs Howard.

"No." Howard says, a look of horror appearing on his face, "Why would you do that?" he asks, sounding furious.

"Because it was the right thing to do." Peggy says, "I know you loved Steve, and he loved you, which is why I know he would have wanted you to move on and you wouldn't be able to do that if you heled on to that blood."

"HOW COULD YOU?" Howard yells, shocking Peggy as she is pretty sure that she has basically never heard Howard yell, "It was my one shot" Howard says, his voice full of betrayal, "It was my one shot, I need it, I can't figure this out without it." Howard says, collapsing to his knees, "How could you Peg? How could you take that from me?" He asks, as tears start to roll down his face.

"I thought it was for the best." Peggy admits as she walks over and squats down in front of Howard, being completely shocked by his reaction, "But what can't you figure out?" she asks, being pretty sure that she is missing something, "Howard?" Peggy asks as she puts her hand on Howard's shoulder.

"I need to show you something." Howard says, deciding to tell Peggy something he was going to keep a secret, "In my lab, at home."

"Okay." Peggy says and Howard forces himself to stand up, and without another word, though still looking heartbroken Howard walks towards the door, Peggy following behind him.

* * *

Not long after they left Peggy's apartment Peggy and Howard walk into the Howard's workshop at his main property, it being clear to Peggy that Howard is struggling to hold himself together.

"What I'm going to show you I haven't shown anyone, not even Jarvis." Howard informs Peggy.

"Okay." Peggy says, wondering what it can be.

"And I need you not to tell anyone. No one else can know, it's too dangerous." Howard reveals as he walks over to his filing cabinets.

"Is it another weapon?" Peggy asks, disapproval to her voice.

"No." Howard answers as he pulls out a draw to of the large cabinet to reveal a hidden safe which he opens and pulls out a file and an odd looking device.

"What does that do?" Peggy asks when she sees the device.

"You'll see." Howard responds, "There is something I haven't told you. I didn't need you to tell me that Steve's plane went down." Howard says, his voice hitching, "I already knew."

"How?" Peggy asks.

"I just knew, I had a feeling and I got the feeling at the exact time, your report said the radio cut out." Howard answers, "And a few weeks later, while I was out looking, I collapsed, and the medical people on the ship couldn't figure out what was wrong, and the doctors I had check look into me couldn't figure it out either." Howard reveals, leaving out that he hasn't been to a doctor in a year because of the fear of a doctor figuring out what he has realised.

"Are you sick, Howard?" Peggy asks worried.

"Not exactly." Howard says as pushes stuff off the table and lies on it, as he does he lives up his shirt a little and puts the device of his stomach and presses a few things on the side.

"What on earth are you doing?" Peggy asks, sounding completely confused because honestly she is.

"Give me a second and all will become clear." Howard says and then suddenly there is a thump, a fluttering sound.

"What is that?" Peggy asks,

"What do you think it is?" Howard asks and then, a minute later there is another fluttering sound.

"It almost sounds like heartbeat, but it's too slow." Peggy comments.

"Come have a look." Howard requests, having no idea what to expect Peggy walks over and as she looks at the device as she does she sees an image projected onto it, and honestly she cannot believe her eyes.

"That's not possible." Peggy says, sounding completely shocked.

"That's what I thought." Howard comments, "It's taken me a long time to figure it out, but I think that because of how many times Steve and I were together the serum changed something in me, caused this." Howard reveals as he sits up, "But since he went missing something's changed, it's like it's frozen too." Howard reveals, "You say that Steve's dead, but I know he's not." Howard tells Peggy, "This tells me he's not." Howard reveals as he places his hand on his stomach, "There's a piece of Steve inside me, and…." Howard starts to say but then Peggy cuts him off.

"You needed Steve's blood to figure out what's going on." Peggy realises, feeling bad about her actions now even though she believed that it was the best thing to do.

"I need his blood to figure out how to save it. I need his blood to figure out how to reverse the freezing without killing it, because as far as I can tell it's healthy, but I don't know how long it will stay like that." Howard explains as the reason he hadn't already used the blood by now is that he knew he only had a small amount so he wanted to wait until he had something concreate to test for, or to try.

"Or yourself." Peggy adds and as she does Howard avoids looking at her, "Howard Stark, please tell me that the ways you're working on to save if aren't going to kill you." Peggy says angrily.

"I can't." Howard admits, "My theory is that it froze for a reason, that it needs Steve, something from him, or even that I need something from him to be able to handle it growing." Howard reveals, "I don't know how this is possible, I haven't figured out the exact science yet." Howard admits, "But I suspect that for me to figure out a way for it, for mine and Steve's child to live." Howard says, saying the words out loud for the first time, "I may I have to die. I don't know if I'll survive a pregnancy without Steve, I don't know If I can." He reveals, admitting what he has been fearing since he realised what is going on.

"I don't accept that." Peggy says Howard as even though she doesn't know how this could be possible, she knows that there has to be a way for the child, and Howard, to survive, "You are the smartest person I have ever know if anyone can figure out a way for you both to survive then it is you, and you have to." Peggy says as she reaches out and takes her friends hand, "Your child is already missing one parent, Howard, you cannot let he, or she, grow up without two." Peggy says, "I am sorry that I destroyed the blood, but I promise that I will help you in any way I can, but only if you figure out a way for you both to survive." Peggy says, it being clear that she isn't' gong to compromise on this.

"I'll try." Howard says, "Thanks Peg." Howard says before hugging his friend, feeling a some of the weight that has been on his shoulders since he realised what was going on lift off.

* * *

 **May 29** **th** **1970**

After over twenty-four years, and almost seven months of pregnancy where Howard almost died more than once, Howard has finally given birth, via a procedure like a Cancerian section, to his and Steve's child, a son.

In the twenty-five years since Howard revealed the fact that he was pregnant to Peggy Carter only two other people have learnt the truth Edwin Jarvis, and the woman who became both Howard's wife and closes friend, Maria. Peggy, Jarvis and Maria have kept Howard's secret, covered for him in the past seven months and Howard knows, without a doubt, that he wouldn't be holding his son, Steve's son, right now if it wasn't for them.

Even though he is so exhausted Howard is wide awake, lying in a bed in a place that he created to be a medical facility for him, holding is newborn son in his arms.

"Hey, Little Guy." Howard says to the baby, "I began to think that I would never actually get to meet you." He admits, "I'm sorry that it took me so long to figure out how to get you here, and I'm sorry that your Dad, your other Dad, your better Dad, isn't here to meet you, he would love you so much." Howard says, a tear coming to his eye, "His name's Steve, and he's a hero, the most incredible person I've ever known, and would be so much better at this than me." Howard admits, "I'm going to do my best, but I don't know if it will be good enough, I don't know if I'm going to be good enough, I don't know if I'll be able to be the father you deserve." Howard admits, "But I do know that I love you and that I will always try to do what is best for you." Howard says and as he does he notices the baby's lips starting to go blue and his skin starting to heat up and go red. So, quickly looking around Howard presses the button to activate the intercom while holding is son close to him, "Maria, I need the case! Now!" he says, his voice full of panic, "It's okay, you'll be okay." Howard says to his son, hoping that what he is planning on doing actually works.

A few seconds later the door to the room opens and Maria comes running in, holding a large steal briefcase.

"It's happening?" Maria asks as he runs in, and Howard just gives a nod, not trusting his voice, "The dosage we talked about?" she asks and Howard once more nods, so Maria quickly opens the case and inside there are several vials of liquid which aren't either blue or green in colour but some kind of middle ground, pulling out the needle that is also in the case Maria draws one of the vials into the needle then walks over to Howard, "Would you like me to do it?" Maria asks curious as she figures that it wouldn't be easy for Howard to stab his son with a large needle, even if it is to save his life.

"No, I will." Howard says and he carefully, as he doesn't want to stab himself takes the needle of Maria, "I'm sorry about this, but if I don't do it you'll die." Howard informs his son before injecting him at the base of his neck. The second Howard injects the baby two things start to happen, one the newborn starts to cry and scream, and two he starts to go back to his normal colour.

"I really don't think he liked that." Maria comments as takes the needle for Howard.

"I know, but he needs it." Howard says as he holds his son close to him to try and comfort him, "Shhh, it's okay, you're okay." Howard tells his son, "If he doesn't get it he'll die." Howard says as even though this serum may not save him forever, it may not always keep him alive, it should save him for a very long time, and at the moment that is the best he can do.

"I know."

"Which is why I need you to promise me something." Howard says to his wife, as he continues to try and comfort his son, "If anything happens to me I need you to make sure he gets the injection…" Howard starts to say.

"Every seventy-two hours for a year." Maria finishes, knowing that because she and Howard have talked about it a lot, "I will, I promise Howard." She says as even though she isn't the baby's biological mother she feels like she is his mother so she will do whatever she has to do to protect him, to save him.

"Thank you." Howard says, Maria's love and support meaning the world to him as even though he will never stop loving Steve, and never be able to completely move on he does love Maria too.

"You don't have to thank me." Maria says as she walks over and puts the needle back, "Have you thought of a name?" she asks, curious as she sits down on the edge of Howard's bed.

"Yeah, I was thinking Anthony, Tony." Howard reveals, "Steve always liked that name." he admits, a sadness to his voice.

"Tony." Maria repeats, "I think that's a good name." She says with a grin, "I'll leave you two alone." She says standing up and turning away from Howard.

"You don't have to." Howard says, "Tony has two fathers, and I'll figure out a way to tell him that one day, but you are his mother. I want him to always think of you as his mother." Howard reveals, "That's if it's okay with you."

"It's more than okay." Maria says, walking back over, "I love you Howard, and I already love your son." She says as she sits down next to him, "I know that you still love Steve, and I know that will never change, and I don't want it to." Maria admits, as she accepted that a long time ago, "Tony is your son, and Steve's, and I would consider it to be a privilege to be his mother, but I will never want to take either of your places." Maria admits, "I'll be his mother, but one day, when he is old enough to understand you have to make sure Tony knows he has two incredible fathers, he deserves that."

"Yeah, he does." Howard says, having no idea how he is going to explain that to Tony, or when, but knowing that he has to, "I love you." He tells Maria.

"I love you too." Maria responds and as she does Howard looks down at Tony, he looks down at his son, at Steve's and his only thought is that he hopes, more than anything, that someday, somehow Steve gets to meet their son because in his heart he knows that Steve is still alive and he knows that he will never stop looking, because Tony deserves to know his other father, and Steve deserves to know their son.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Everything belongs to their rightful owners.

 **AN1:** Thank you for all the support. **PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW.**

* * *

 **August 2015**

It has been seventy years since Steve walked away from Howard for the last time having no idea that he left an apart of himself with Howard. From the day Steve left, to the day Howard died, Howard never stopped loving Steve, he never stopped trying to find him and he saw Steve in their son every single day. In all those years Howard never figured out how to tell Tony the truth about where he came from partly because apart of Howard was terrified that what he did to save Tony during his first year of life would wear of, and his son would die, so he was terrified to get close to Tony, to show him how much he meant to him, just in case he lost him.

For Steve it doesn't feel like seventy years since he last saw Howard, to him it only feels like three, because for him that's all it has been, that's what happens when you spend decades frozen. For Steve the hardest thing about waking up in a new time isn't how different things are, but the fact that everyone he cares about is gone, and that Howard, the person he loves more than anything, moved on, had a life without him.

It has been two months since Sokovia fell out of the skies and ever since then Steve, along with Natasha have been leading the New Avengers while Steve also looks for Bucky Barnes. Having only returned form a mission an hour earlier everyone else is in their rooms de-stressing but not Steve, Steve is walking through the New Avengers Compound when he hears someone playing the piano, which is odd as he is pretty sure that no one knows how to, even though Wanda is learning the Guitar. Deciding to investigate Steve follows the sound and to his surprise, not just because he had no idea he was at the compound, Steve finds Tony playing the piano in the common area. Not wanting to intrude Steve just stands and watches, listens to Tony play music, being pretty sure that he is singing too but as he is doing so quietly Steve can't make out the words he is saying.

"Did you want something, Cap? Or are you just going to stand there?" Tony asks curious, without even stopping what he is doing, after a couple of minutes.

"Sorry, I didn't want to intrude." Steve explains as he walks over, "Has something happened?" he asks figuring that that is why Tony is there.

"No, I just wanted to get out of the city for a while." Tony answers it being a partial lie and as he does his pone starts to ring, checking the caller ID Tony sees the name and quickly presses reject, "Don't ask." Tony says, without looking up from the piano as he can basically feel the look that Steve is giving him.

"Okay." Steve says, being completely confused but deciding to try something different, "I didn't realise you played." He comments.

"Not many people do." Tony comments, "My Mom taught me." Tony reveals, "It was something we shared together." He admits, then realises something, "I really don't know why I'm telling you this."

"It's okay, I'm glad to know." Steve says as honestly, even with how painful it is, he is glad to know more about the person that Howard loved after him, "You miss her." Steve says, it being clear that it is a comment not a question.

"Of course I do; she was my Mom." Tony comments as he stops playing, "She was incredible, strong, tried to play the mediator between Dad and I, and she managed to put up with Dad for so long. I have no idea how he managed that, he was a…. difficult person to live with." Tony comments, a fond but sad smile on his face as he talks about his mother, and honestly it hurts Steve more than he could admit to hear about the person Howard became,

"What happened to him?" Steve mutters, not intending for Tony to hear.

"What?" Tony asks, having not heard what Steve said, just that he said something.

"Nothing… it's just…." Steve starts to say, then trails off, "Do you mind if I show you something?" he asks.

"No." Tony says, sounding completely confused and as he does Steve walks the rest of the way over, pulling a photo out of pocket.

"I don't know what happened to cause Howard to become the person that you knew, and I'm sorry that difficult is the word you use to describe him." Steve admits, "I'm sorry that you didn't know him when I knew him, I'm sorry that you didn't know him when he was like this." Steve says as he hands the photo he always carries with him over to Tony.

Being completely confused about what he is going to see Tony unfolds the, clearly warn, photo and as he does he sees something that he really didn't expect, he sees his father, as young as he was when Steve knew him, looking happier than Tony ever remembers him being, just sitting on a couch, looking completely relaxed, something else that Tony doesn't ever remember his father being.

"When was this taken?" Tony asks interested, as he looks up at Steve.

"About six months before I went into the ice." Steve answers, knowing he will never forget every detail of that night as it was the first time he and Howard told one another that they loved each other.

"He look so happy, so relaxed." Tony says, sounding amazed as up until now he didn't think it was possible for his Dad to be that relaxed, or that happy.

"That's how he always looked when I knew him." Steve says, "We were in the middle of the war, but Howard almost always had a grin on his face." Steve says, a fondness to his voice that, even though he isn't the greatest at picking up on personal things, Tony notices.

"How do you have this picture?" Tony asks, figuring that it is the less dangerous of the questions he is thinking.

"I had it with me when I went into the ice." Steve answers, as if there is nothing odd about that.

"Just how close were you and my Dad?" Tony asks as he hands the picture back to Steve, being pretty sure that he may regret asking that, but he can't help his curiosity, and he also can't help but wonder why he never thought to ask that in the last three years.

Even though he knew the question as coming Steve isn't sure how to answer it. There is a part of him that thinks that if Howard never told Tony then he shouldn't, but there is another part of he that just needs to tell someone, especially after Wanda caused him to see him and Howard together, what they could have but then things went to hell.

"Steve." Tony's voice says, cutting through Steve's thoughts.

"Sorry, what?" Steve asks confuse.

"How close were you and my Dad?" Tony asks once more.

"I loved him." Steve answers, needing to admit that.

"In what way?" Tony asks, being pretty sure that the next words out of Steve's mouth won't be, 'like a brother.'

"Everyway." Steve answers, "I considered him to be the love of my life." He comments, his voice full of pain.

"Huh." Tony comments, not being sure how to respond to that, "That explains a lot." He realises.

"What do you mean?" Steve asks curious, as he wasn't expecting that to be Tony's reaction.

"Dad talked about you, all the time." Tony explains, "It was annoying, and constant, like he wanted me to know you." Tony reveals, "I hated you because of that, because I thought I would never be good enough."

"Sorry." Steve says, having no idea what else to say.

"It's not your fault." Tony responds, "So, were you and my Dad like, together?" Tony asks, cursing his on curiosity as even though he would prefer not to know the details of his father and Steve's relationship his curiosity overtakes that.

"Yes." Steve answers, "From December of 1943 until I went into the ice. It was the best, most incredible fifteen months of my life." Steve says and as he does Tony realises that not only is Steve haunted by his past, he's hurting.

"Wow." Tony says, not really sure how to deal with this, "Why are you telling me this?" he asks, assuming that Steve has a reason.

"I need to tell someone." Steve admits, "I just… I miss him, I miss him so much, that sometimes I feel like I can't breathe." Steve says, his voice full of pain, and even though there are many things that Tony wants to say he keeps quiet, "I love him, and I just can't keep it a secret anymore." Steve admits, "But you're probably not the person to tell." He realises.

"It's beyond strange to hear you talk about Dad like that." Tony admits, standing up, "It's like the person you knew is completely different from the Howard I grew up with."

"I wish I knew what happened to him." Steve admits, "The Howard I knew, the Howard I loved, was happy, and he was burdened by thing he created and he felt guilty for what they did, both with and without his knowledge, but he still had fun, he still joked, he was free, he loved so much and he hated having to hide that." Steve reveals, wishing he knew what happened.

"I can't even imagine that." Tony admits, "Dad, the Dad I knew, was distant, he was cold, calculating, I barely saw him smile let alone be truly happy." Tony reveals and hearing that Steve gets a look of pain on his face.

"He must have been happy with your Mom." Steve comments, as even though it is painful for him to think about, he wants Howard to have been happy, he needs Howard to have been happy.

"He was, I think." Tony admits, "I don't know for sure, Dad was gone a lot, and then I was at boarding school or MIT, and I was always closer to Mom." He reveals, "I think they were happy, in their own way."

"Howard and I never said goodbye to each other." Steve revels, his voice full of regret, "We both hated the word. So, even though we knew that every time one of us left it could be the last time we saw each we never said goodbye, we said something else." Steve reveals, "Now, I wish we did. I wish I could have said goodbye, I wish I told him everything he meant to me, everything I never thought to say." Steve says, a tear coming to his eyes, causing Tony to look away as he is very uncomfortable with what Steve is saying, "But I don't know, maybe it was better that I didn't, maybe It would have been cruller if I had."

"He never stopped looking for you." Tony reveals, thinking that it might help Steve, "My entire life he would go for weeks at a time to look for you, but he never found you." He tells Steve, telling him something he never knew, "Every time he got home from one of those trips he would call me into his office." Tony reveals, "He would drink and he would spend hours telling me all about you." He says, Tony says, remembering that Howard wouldn't let him leave the office until one of two things happened, either Howard would pass out, or he would start to look upset, though it took Tony years to realise that, and then he'd basically order Tony to leave.

"Really?" Steve asks, sounding surprised.

"Really." Tony confirms, "I don't think he ever truly moved on, with how much he talked about you, all the pictures and drawings he had around the house it was like you were just as big of presence at the house as those of us who lived in it." He says, "It was eighteen years after you went into the ice before he and my Mom got together, and from what I knew that was his only serious relationship, but now I guess it was his only one other than you."

"I didn't realise it was that long." Steve comments, not sure how he should be feeling right now.

"Yeah." Tony says and as he does his phone starts to ring and he once more presses rejects the call, "Look, I won't deny that hearing all this is strange for me, and even though it does help to fill in some gaps, I don't know even know if really want to know this." He admits, "But I'll listen if you want to share. I'll even try to keep comments that I am thinking to myself." Tony says figuring that this is the least he could do after everything that has happened.

"Thanks Tony." Steve says, it meaning a lot to him to hear that as he knows how big it is for him to offer.

"No problem. I'll be in the garage." Tony says before leaving, leaving Steve to his own thoughts, leaving him to wonder what happened to the man he loved.

* * *

A little while later Tony is in the garage taking one of the cars apart so that he can put it back together, doing so for two reasons, one; to distract him from the reason that brought him out to the compound and two; so that he can do what has always helped distract him as he thinks about everything that Steve has told him.

Honestly Tony probably isn't as surprised as he should be about Steve's reveal as he has always known that there was a side, or sides to his father that he never knew. What he is surprised about is how Steve talked about his father. He can tell that Steve loves Howard, which weirds him out on several levels, but the Howard Steve loves seems like a complete stranger to him. He can't really imagine his father having a grin on his face all the time, or him joking as the jokes Tony saw and heard him met were always snide.

"What happened to you Dad?" Tony wonders to himself as he continues to work.

* * *

While Tony is down in the garage Steve is sitting up in his bedroom, just staring at his picture of Howard, wondering what happened to the person he loves. Wanting to try and find out Steve pulls out his tablet and starts to google Howard Stark, wanting to see if he can find something about what happened to him, to change him, but as he does, instead of looking through the articles he finds himself looking at the pictures of the man he loves from various points in his life, all the times that he never got to spend with Howard.

* * *

The next morning the Avengers who are at the compound, Steve, Wanda, Vision, Natasha, Clint and Sam are just getting started on their breakfast when Rhodey walks in.

"Anyone have any idea why Tony is obsessively taking apart and rebuilding every car that is here?" Rhodey asks, knowing that Tony only does that when he needs a major distraction, and while everyone else looks confused Steve looks down at his plate.

"Steve, is there something you want to share with the class?" Natasha asks noticing the action.

"He's been here since last night." Steve reveals, "I think he's avoiding something because he kept rejecting someone's calls." He admits, "We talked and then he went down to the garage." He comments.

"What'd you talk about?" Clint asks curious.

"Something long overdue." Steve answers, vaguely.

"Okay, then." Sam says, everyone else wondering what they are missing, but it becomes clear that Steve isn't going to go into details about that.

As it becomes clear that Steve isn't going to explain what is going on everyone drifts into silence while they eat.

The silence only lasts a few minutes before the group hear footsteps and they look up to see Pepper, clearly looking annoyed,

"Is he here?" Pepper asks, looking at Rhodey, who realises exactly what is going on.

"Garage." Rhodey answers, knowing better than to try and get in the middle of Tony and Pepper.

"Thank you." Pepper says, before walking away.

"I think we just found out who's calls Tony is rejecting." Clint comments.

"She's angry." Wanda comments, "They're fighting."

"They've been doing that a lot lately." Rhodey says, being pretty sure that things haven't been great between Tony and Pepper since S.H.I.E.L.D fell.

"So, should we do something?" Sam asks, "It seems like the kind of thing we should do something about." He says as Tony is the only one of them who has a real relationship with someone so it seems like the kind of thing they should help preserve.

"I'd leave them alone. It won't end well if we interfere." Natasha comments, "But I wouldn't object to locking them in a room together." She says and as she does Steve can't help but smile amused as he remembers Peggy, Dugan and Bucky tag teaming to lock him and Howard in a room together after their biggest fight to, as Peggy put it, 'get their heads out of their asses.' "Steve?" Natasha asks, "Do you have an opinion on this?"

"I think we should just let them be." Steve comments as if Tony is anything like Howard he won't react well to being forced to deal with relationship problems.

"That's boring." Clint says with a frown.

* * *

Down in the garage Tony is working on putting the latest cars back together when he hears footsteps that he knows belong to Pepper. So, taking a deep breath Tony prepares himself for about round ten.

"This is exactly what I was talking about." Pepper's voice says as she approaches Tony, "You just can't stay away from this place. Do you even want to?" she asks.

"I don't know." Tony admits as he puts down what he is using to work on the car, "I never regretted destroying my suits." He tells Pepper.

"But you also didn't hesitate to rebuild them the second the truth about S.H.I.E.L.D and Hydra came out." Pepper reminds Tony.

"That is because I had to." Tony tells Pepper, "I need to help, I need to help fix everything, including the things I caused."

"And you want to." Pepper says and Tony nods, "Do you think you could ever truly retire from this life, from the superhero life?"

"Honestly, I don't think so." Tony admits, "There's a part of me that is always going to want to do the right thing, and fix the mistakes I've mad and fix the things that I've set in motion." He reveals, "I don't know If I could ever stop doing that, I don't know if I'll even want to." He admits.

"I should have seen this coming." Pepper admits, "You told me when you first built that suit that there was only the next mission, and nothing else." She comments.

"And you said that you weren't going to be a part of something that could, that would, get me killed." Tony says, remembering.

"I meant that." Pepper admits, "I love you, Tony and I always will, and I'm so proud of you for doing this, but I can't stand by and watch it." She admits, "Making you choice wouldn't be fair, and I'm not going to make you. I'm walking away." She tells him.

"Pep…." Tony starts to say.

"It's better like this, Tony." Pepper says, putting her hand on Tony's cheek, "You're never going to stop doing what you think is the right thing and I'm never going to be okay with watching you do things that are going to get you killed." She says, "We'll just end up hurting each other, hating each other, and I don't want that." She admits.

"Neither do I." Tony admits, "This is it, isn't it?" He asks, his voice full of pain.

"Yeah, it is." Pepper says before placing a kiss on Tony's cheek, "I will always be here for you, Tony. We will always be friends." She says as she hugs Tony.

"Yeah, we will." Tony responds and the two of them break their embrace, giving Tony one last look Pepper turns and walks away, it being impossibly hard for her to do so.

* * *

It has been a few hours since Pepper left Tony and ever since then Tony has been in the garage, continuing to take cars apart, just to put them back together. As he didn't hear any footsteps Tony is surprised when a plate is put down next to him, and even more surprised when he looks up and sees Wanda as even though they have been on better terms since Sokovia they aren't on the best ones.

"You haven't eaten." Wanda informs Tony as due to the fact that everyone at the compound have realised that Tony and Pepper have broken up they decided to leave him be, but she wanted to do something to help.

"Yeah, I'm not really hungry." Tony comments and as he does he drops a small screw, "Damn it. Where'd that go?" he asks and Wanda uses her powers to get the screw back, "Thank you." He tells Wanda as she hands him back the item.

"Not a problem." Wanda responds, "You should eat, your mind needs fuel." Wanda informs Tony.

"That's what people say." Tony comments as he looks over and sees a grilled ham and cheese, "Why'd you make me food? After everything that's happened. Everything I've done to you."

"Everyone deserves kindness, even if you don't think you do." Wanda tells Tony, "Rhodey gave me the report, I know you didn't know what happened to my parents, that you didn't give the orders."

"It's still my fault." Tony tells Wanda, "And I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you." He says, it being clear that he is talking about both Pietro and her parents.

"I know." Wanda says, which is why she is giving Tony an olive branch, "I saw your fear, I know that you just wanted to protect people."

"I haven't done a great job of that." Tony comments, "Thank you for the food, Wanda."

"You're welcome…. Tony." Wanda says before she leaves.

* * *

A way after Wanda brought him food Tony is returning the plate upstairs.

"Tony?" A voice says and he turns to see Steve, across the room, "Are you staying for a while?" he asks curious.

"Yeah, I think I am." Tony admits, "Pepper and I on a break, or broken up, I don't even know which." He admits, or truthfully he does, but doesn't want to admit it.

"I'm sorry, Tony." Steve tells him, it being clear that he means that.

"Thank you." Tony says and as he does his breathing starts to become heavy.

"I'll be glad to have you back on the team, if you want." Steve informs him.

"I…. I think….." Tony says, his breathing going from heavy to Tony truly struggling with each breath.

"Tony?" Steve asks as he hurries over to the son of the man he loves, "What's wrong?" Steve asks as Tony's lips start to go blue.

"I… don't….. know." Tony manages to say before he collapses.

"TONY." Steve yells terrified as he runs over, catching him before he can hit the ground.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 4

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Everything belongs to their rightful owners.

 **AN1:** Thank you so much for the support. **PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW.**

* * *

Even running as fast as he can with Tony in his arms it takes Steve about a minute to get Tony to the medical area.

"Help, I need help!" Steve says to the medical personnel as he places Tony down on the table.

"What happened?" Doctor Cho asks Steve as she hurries over.

"I don't know. He just suddenly started to struggle to breath." Steve reveals, "He didn't know what happening either." He admits.

"Okay, I need you to stand back." Doctor Cho informs Steve as she puts an oxygen mask over Tony's face, and reluctantly Steve takes a step back, "I want vital signs to be monitored, I want blood drawn as soon as possible." Doctor Cho informs everyone, "He's burning up."

"What's going on?" Steve asks, being truly concerned.

"I don't know. I need to run a few tests." Doctor Cho informs Steve.

"Will you be able to stabilize him until you figure it out?" Steve asks, needing the answer to be yes.

"I don't know." Doctor Cho admits and as she does the machines that she and her team have managed to connect to Tony start to beep.

"What is that? What does it mean?" Steve asks, worry in is voice.

"I need you to leave." Doctor Cho says.

"What? No." Steve says, his voice stern.

"Steve, I will do everything I can to figure out what is going on, but I can't do that with you hovering." Doctor Cho informs Steve, "Go wait in the hall. I'll come get you once I know something." Doctor Cho says.

"Come get me the second you know something." Steve asks before he reluctantly leaves the medical area, pulling out his phone so that he can send a message to the others as he goes.

* * *

It has been a couple of minutes since Steve left the medical area and ever since he has been standing across from the door to the medical area watching the door, waiting for some kind of news.

"Steve, what's happened to Tony? What's going on?" Rhodey's voice as he, followed by Natasha, Sam, Wanda, Clint, Sam and Vision run down the corridor towards Steve.

"I don't know." Steve admits, "Suddenly he couldn't breath and Doctor Cho said he's burning up. She's running tests and won't let me in there."

"People don't suddenly start to struggle to breath." Clint comments, "Was something going on? Did something happen?"

"No, we were just taking and he started to have trouble breathing and then he collapsed." Steve explains, "I got him here as quick as possible." Steve reveals, "You've known Tony the longest has something like this ever happened before?" He asks Rhodey.

"Not like this." Rhodey answers, it being clear that he is worried, as that doesn't sound like a panic attack.

"Doctor Cho is the best, if anyone can find answers it will be her." Natasha says, trying to be reassuring as she can tell how worried everyone is, honestly she is worried too but she won't let that show.

"Yeah, Nat's right. We've just go to wait; we'll know what's going on soon." Sam comments and as he does the group drift into silence, every single one of them hoping that they get some news about Tony soon.

* * *

It has been almost four hours since Steve was told to leave the medical area and ever since, along with Natasha, Sam, Rhodey, Wanda, Clint and Vision, he has been standing outside the medical area waiting for some news.

"Someone's coming." Wanda informs the group, saying the first words any of them have said for hours.

At Wanda's words everyone walks to the door just as it opens and one of Doctor Cho's staff walks out.

"Doctor Cho said that you can come in now." He says and without a word Steve, Natasha, Rhodey, Wanda, Clint and Vision walk into the room. As they walk into the room they find Tony, looking far from okay lying on a bed with a nasal cannula on his face, looking weak and sick while wearing what looks to be an ice vest.

"Tony…." Rhodey starts to say, his voice full of pain and concern.

"It looks worse than it is." Tony says, trying to put a joking tone to his voice but he fails miserably.

"No it doesn't, you're very sick." Wanda comments.

"What's going on?" Steve asks, looking between Tony and Doctor Cho.

"We're not one hundred percent sure yet. We're waiting for the last test to be sure." Doctor Cho answers as they have a theory, but they aren't positive yet, and they have no idea how it would even be possible, "For the last four hours our priority has been stabilising Tony."

"And is he, stable?" Natasha asks, looking at Doctor Cho.

"I'm right here you know, I can talk." Tony says with an annoyed look, "And I am." He comments.

"Actually the right way to describe you would be to say you are as stable as you can be considering the circumstances." Doctor Cho corrects and as she does one of the computers beep, "That should be the test we're waiting on." She says before heading over to the computer that made the sound.

For the next minute or so everyone is quiet while Doctor Cho checks the results, "That's odd." She comments.

"What is it?" Tony asks.

"Well, it's like we suspected. Your DNA Is degrading, and I have no idea what is causing that, but there is something else, something equally as puzzling." Doctor Cho reveals, "You have traces of the super solider serum in your blood." She tells Tony, it being clear that she can't believe that.

"How the hell is that possible?" Tony asks, looking completely confused.

"I don't know, but what is interesting is that the serum isn't like the others that have been developed in the past seventy years. It resembles, closer than I've ever seen, the serum in your blood." She says, looking at Steve.

"How did that happened?" Steve asks, but as he does the answer comes to both Steve and Tony at the same time.

"Howard."

"Dad." The two of them say together.

"You think your Dad did this to you?" Clint asks, being surprised by that.

"Maybe not the DNA degrading, but the fact that I have traces off the same serum that is in Steve, definitely." Tony answers and as he does he forces himself to sit up.

"Wow, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Rhodey asks his best friend.

"I need answers, and there is only one place where I'm going to get them." Tony says, taking a deep breath before he moves and swings his legs over the edge of the bed, "I need to go to the house I grew up in. If Dad had anything to do with any of this, then the only place I will find answers is in his personal office or lab there." Tony says, being pretty sure that the answers will be in the hidden room behind Howard's old office.

"Just tell us where to go, we'll look." Natasha tells him, being pretty sure that Tony isn't in any state to go anywhere.

"Dad's organizational system is… interesting." Tony says, trying to find the right word, "The only person other than me who would be able to figure it out is Steve, and he wouldn't even know the place where the files are, and, no offence." He adds, looking at Steve, "You wouldn't be able to understand the kind of stuff we need to find."

"No offence taken." Steve adds.

"This is a horrible idea." Sam comments, "You shouldn't be going anywhere right now." He comments.

"I don't have a choice." Tony answers, "I need to figure this out, and I need Dad's files to do that." He explains.

"I'm not saying that this isn't one of the worst ideas I've ever heard, but it might be necessary." Natasha comments, not liking that fact, "Is Tony stable enough to leave this room?" she asks Doctor Cho.

"If he takes oxygen and continues to wear the ice vest, then maybe, but I don't like the idea." Doctor Cho comments.

"That's good enough for me." Tony says as he forces himself up to stand, as he does he wobbles on his feet and for a second, almost falls, "I'm okay." Tony says as both Rhodey and Steve hurry over to help him, "I can do this." Tony says.

"For the record this is one of your stupider ideas, which says a lot." Rhodey tells his friend.

"I know." Tony responds, "Let's go."

"You're not going anywhere until I fit you for the portable oxygen." Doctor Cho says, "And until I explain to those going with what to do if something else happens.'

"You're not coming?" Wanda asks, sounding surprised by that.

"I need to stay here and try to find some answers about the DNA degrading, just in case you don't find anything." Doctor Cho explains.

"I believe I might be able to help with that." Vision comments.

"I'd be glad for the help." Doctor Cho comments before she explains to everyone all about Tony and what they have to watch out for.

* * *

An hour later Tony, Steve, Natasha, Clint, Rhodey, Wanda and Sam are walking through the foyer of Tony's childhood home, Tony pushing a bottle of oxygen, that he is connected to, as they go.

"This is where you grew up?" Sam asks, sounding amazed, "This is awesome." He comments.

"Didn't feel like that growing up." Tony mutters, his voice too quiet for anyone to hear, "Come on, Dad's office is this way." Tony says, leading everyone to a corridor to the left of the stairs.

For a couple of minutes everyone follows Tony down the corridor, Sam, Clint and Wanda being more than a little impressed by what they see on the walls and lining the corridor. As Rhodey has been to the mansion before he isn't surprised by anything, Natasha was expecting it so she isn't surprised either, and the only thing Steve is surprised about is how much the house reminds him of Howard's old London house.

"Here we are, Dad's office." Tony says and he pushes the door and walks in. As the others walk in they can help but look around while Tony heads over to one of the bookshelf's.

"Cap, there is a picture of you on the desk." Sam's voice says surprised after a few seconds.

"Really?" Steve asks, his heart filling with joy at that.

"Of course, he had that on my desk longer than I've been alive." Tony comments as he starts to pull books out of the shelf.

"What are you doing?" Natasha asks him.

"Looking for….. this." Tony says as he finds exactly what he is looking for, a keypad and scanner.

"Why is a scanner in the bookshelf?" Wanda asks confused.

"Hidden room?" Steve guesses as that sounds like Howard.

"Yep." Tony confirms as he enters a code into the keypad, then he places his hand on the scanner, and then he moves his hand and a light goes from the scanner to Tony's eye.

"That's a lot of security." Sam comments, being pretty sure that it must be unusual for a house.

"Not really." Tony says as the bookshelf moves and reveals a hidden room, "If there are any answers about what is going on with me it will be in here." He says as he walks in.

"Of course, because of course the answers we need will be in the creepy ultra-secure, dark, hidden room." Clint mutters as everyone else follows Tony.

Walking into the room the group of seven find the walls are lined with closed, and it seems locked cupboards and in the centre there is a row of filing cabinets.

"This is going to take a while." Natasha realises, "Any idea where we should start?" she asks Tony curious.

"The cabinets would be the best bet." Tony says and as does Natasha heads over to the one closet to the door and opens it as she looks at the names of the files and frowns.

"Are these organized in some way?" Natasha asks curious as it really doesn't seem like it to her.

"Yeah, Dad's organizational system." Tony comments, causing Steve to smirk as he knows what that means.

"What exactly does that mean?" Wanda asks confused.

"It means that everything has its place and is in a specific way in its place." Steve says, causing everyone but Tony to look at him, "It may not seem like it at first, but Howard always had a logic to how he organized things. You just had to figure it out." He comments.

"If there is anything on the serum, on me then it would be in the place Dad would have thought was the most secure." Tony comment.

"Which is where?" Rhodey asks his friend.

"The exact middle, top draw." Tony comments and Natasha walks over to that draw while the others start to look in different places.

"Okay, we've got files labelled; zero matter, Roxon, Battle of Finow….." Natasha says, reading the names.

"Did you say battle of Finow?" Steve asks, not being able to help himself as hearing that name is like getting a bucket of ice water thrown over his face.

"Yeah, why?" Natasha asks curious.

"No reason." Steve quickly says but because she can tell he is lying Natasha quickly opens the file and starts to read,

"After learning that Mr Stark was flying one of his planes Mr Jarvis went up after him while I went to the radio tower as due to….." Natasha reads out loud.

"That's not right." Steve says, cutting Natasha off, as he walks over, "Howard punched a general during the battle of Finow, he never went in the air." He comments.

"Dad punched a general?" Tony asks surprised and Steve nods.

"And you're okay with that?" Rhodey asks surprised.

"He deserved it, and If I was there I would have done a lot more than just punched him." Steve explains as he knows what happened during the battle of Finow, and the guilt Howard felt because of it, and he also remembers helping Howard with the injuries he sustained after the general retaliated from Howard's punch, "But none of what you just read happened." Steve says to Natasha.

"This top page is newer than the rest of the file. It's signed by Peggy Carter, dated May 8th 1946." Natasha reveals.

"Two years later." Steve realises, "Let me see that."

"You might not want to read that." Natasha tells Steve as even though she doesn't know the details she knows that Steve and Howard were close so it might not be good for him to read about a report where Howard was brainwashed.

"I want to read it." Steve says, taking the file from Natasha.

"Don't say I didn't warn you." Natasha tells him and as she hands the file over to Steve she continues to look through the draw, "I don't see anything about the serum…. Wait. There is something behind the draw." She says.

"He would have felt so much guilt for that." Steve mutters to himself as he read the file, or more specially reads Peggy's reports from 46' as he knows the rest.

"There's a safe in here." Natasha says after she pulls out the draw, "Any chance you know the combination?" she asks Tony who has walked over.

"I could guess, but I don't like my chances." Tony admits as he walks over and so do the others, "Could you pull of the safe door?" he asks Steve.

"I could, but it wouldn't be a good idea for me to try." Steve admits.

"Why not?" Sam asks, as it sounds like a good idea to him.

"Howard used to booby trap, his safes, his secure files, chances are if I pull the safe by force I'll destroy whatever is inside." Steve comments.

"Which is exactly what we don't want." Clint says, "Look, chances are that you Dad would have wanted you to find whatever is in this safe, he would have used a code you would think to use." He says, looking at Tony.

"Maybe your birthday." Steve suggests.

"Please, he would never use that." Tony says, before trying another code, the day he was sent away to boarding school, "No dice." He says, "Maybe you should try something, a date that was important to you two." Tony says to Steve, confusing everyone but him, "If there is information about the serum in there it would make sense for Dad to have used a date that has something to do with you." He says.

"Okay." Steve says and after a few seconds of thinking, trying to decide what to try, he types in his and Howard's anniversary, "Nothing." He says, when the safe doesn't open, "I still think you should try your birthday."

"That is an obvious choice, and seriously out of all the codes he could have chosen why would he have chosen my birthday?" Tony asks, believing that there Is more of a chance of his Dad using basically any other code than using his birthday.

"Howard one told me that sometimes the most obvious choice is the best. He said that sometimes people are too blind to see what is staring them right in the face." Steve informs Tony, "Just try it."

Rolling his eyes Tony decides to humour Steve and so he enters his birthday and, to his complete shock, the safe opens, "Okay, you were right." he tells Steve, sounding completely shocked by that.

"What's inside?" Sam asks curious.

"We've got what looks to be locked documents." Tony says as he pulls out what seems to be a metal document folder with a combination lock holding it shut, "And a home movie." Tony says as he pulls out a film canister with a note on the top that says, ' _watch first_.' Opening the canister there is a piece of paper inside which Tony picks up.

"What does it say?" Rhodey asks curious.

" _Tony, on this film you'll find almost all the answers about you you'll ever need, Dad."_ Tony reads, finding that very vague, as he lifts the letter to look at the film and as he does he sees the date printed on it and freezes, "December 10th 1991." He says.

"What is it?" Wanda asks, being able to sense Tony's pain right away.

"This is film is from December 10th 1991, that is less than a week before my parents died." Tony reveals to the group and as he does Rhodey reaches out and puta comforting hand on his friends' shoulder as the group drift into a pained silence.

"So…. Are we going to watch it?" Clint asks, breaking the silence after a couple of minutes.

"Yeah." Tony says, forcing himself to find his voice, "There is a video projector in the library." He tells the others and after he picks up the canister and folder he heads back towards the door, the others following behind.

"Are you okay?" Natasha asks Steve as they walk as she can tell that he is bothered by something.

"I don't know." Steve admits as he isn't sure how he is going to handle seeing Howard again, even if it is just a video.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Natasha asks curious.

"No, I don't think so." Steve says.

"Okay, I'm here if you change your mind." Natasha says and the two of them continue to walk, following behind the others.

* * *

A few minutes later everyone is sitting around the table in the living room while Tony, with Rhodey and Natasha's help, are setting up the projector and Clint is loading up the film.

"Are you going to be okay watching this?" Rhodey asks his friend in a concerned voice as he knows, better than most, how complicated Tony's relationship with his father was.

"No idea." Tony says as he finishes what he is doing and walks over to his seat, as he does both Rhodey and Natasha do to.

"Everyone ready?" Clint asks once the others are sitting down and everyone but Tony nods, "Are you ready?" he asks Tony.

"As ready as I'll ever be." Tony answers and Clint starts the film.

A few seconds after Tony sits down Howard appears on the screen that was set up, but it isn't Howard as Steve knew him, it is Howard as Tony did, and he is sitting on the desk in the office that the group of seven were in only a few minutes earlier.

"Tony, there is so much that you need to know, and I hope that the reason you're watching this isn't because my greatest fear has occurred and you're DNA is degrading." Howard says, causing everyone to exchange looks, "I also hope that by the time you're watching this I have found the courage to tell you the truth, and if I haven't I'm sorry. You don't deserve to hear this from a video, I should have told you myself, but I have never been able to figure out how to." Howard admits, "I know I haven't been the greatest father, I know you deserve so much better than the father I have been, which is why I hope that you're watching this in a time where I have become the father you deserve, because that's what I intended to do. I just hope it's not too late to make it up to you." Howard says, "Tony, you are an incredible person, but you're even more incredible, even more amazing, than you may know." Howard reveals, "I wish there was an easy way to tell you this, but theirs not, which is part of the reason why I haven't already told you. You didn't come into this world the way that everyone else did, and if we are to get into technicalities, you are a lot older than you know." He says, causing everyone to become confused, "It wasn't Maria who carried you, it wasn't Maria who gave birth to you; it was me. You see Tony, I was once, still am, and will always be in love with the most incredible man the most amazing person I've ever known, and he is your other father; but I lost him." Howard says, quickly wiping away a tear that came to his eye, "I didn't realise it until a few months later, but when I lost him, when I lost Steve, he left a part of himself in me. I still don't completely understand how it was possible, but I believe that thanks to what was done to Steve as part of project rebirth, and the relationship we had, the love we shared, I somehow became pregnant, with you, but when Steve's plane went down, when he went into the ice you became stuck in what I've come to call suspended animation." Howard reveals, "For almost twenty-five years I worked on trying to determine why this occurred and attempted to figure out how to reverse the suspension. In my research I realised that the reason you had become frozen was because we both needed Steve, we needed more exposure to the serum for things to progress safely for both of us to be healthy." Howard reveals, "Eventually I was able to create a compound that disrupted the chemical process of the suspension and your development begun to progress, but it came at a cost." Howard says, there now being pain in his voice, "I almost died more than once before you were born, and after you were, you almost did. After you were born I had to inject you with the compound ever seventy-two hours for a year, I don't think you ever forgave me for that, but I believe that it was the only way to neutralize the super solider serum inside you and alter your DNA enough for you to be healthy, to grow, without more exposure to the serum." Howard explains, "In the locked folder you will find all my research, and if your DNA is degrading then It should give you the answers you need, and I know that if there is anyone who can figure out to make the temporary compound I created permanent then it would be you. The code is 101569, the date I disrupted the suspension." Howard says, "If you are finding all this out for the first time then I'm sorry Tony, I'm sorry that I wasn't brave enough to tell you. There have only been three people other than myself who know the truth, Jarvis, Your Aunt Peggy and Maria, it was safer that way but other than you there is one other person who needs to know, who deserves to know, and that's Steve. The day his plane went down was the worse day of my life, but I knew wasn't dead, even when everyone was telling me he was, because of you, you gave me the belief, and proof that he was alive. So, I hope, I hope more than anything that Steve has been found and you're getting a chance to know your other Dad, because I know that he would have been, and will be, a better Dad than I have ever been." Howard says, it being clear that he believes that, "I love you Tony, I know It hasn't always seemed like it, but I do. I am so proud of you, and I need you to know that you are the most incredible thing in my life." Howard says, and for a few seconds Howard is silent, "There is one more thing Tony, something I need you to do for me." Howard requests, "When Steve is found, because I believe one day he will be, I need you to play him the following message, because there is so much I need to say to him." Howard says and as he does he sits up straighter and fixes his tie before he once more begins to speak.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Everything belongs to their rightful owners.

 **AN1:** Thank you for the support. **PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW.**

* * *

"Steve." Howard's voice says and he once more pauses, as he does Tony gets up and walks out of the room.

"Tony." Steve calls after him.

"I'll go." Rhodey says before getting up and leaving, everyone else staying behind.

"Oh, Steve." Howard says, with a sad smile, "I've spend so long trying to think about what I would say to you if I've got the chance, and honestly, I don't even know where to start." Howard says, "I love you Steve. I love you so much, I've never stopped, never will stop." Howard says, it being clear that he is telling the complete truth, "I've been looking for you, whenever there is a possible lead I'm there, hoping that that this time I find you again." Howard says, "I'm going to the Arctic again in a couple of weeks, and I need to believe that this time will be different, that this time I'll find you, because It's the only way I can keep going." Howard says, causing a tear to come to Steve's eye because he hates hearing Howard so hurt, "But if, for some reason, I don't then there are things I need you to know." Howard says, before taking a deep breath, "You were an idiot." Howard says and Steve can't help but give an amused laugh at that, "Why the hell didn't you just give Peg your damn coordinates? I would have found you right away if you did, but no you had to be noble, you had to be stubborn," Howard says, "Because that's who you are, that's the man I love." Howard says with a sad but fond smile, "I miss you, all of you, even the parts that make me furious sometime." He admits, "I miss you so much." He adds, "God Steve, you were supposed to come home! We were supposed to spend three days in bed together." Howard says, making Steve feel pretty glad that Tony has left the room, while he attempts to ignore the looks he is getting, "When you are watching this I don't know how much time has passed, how much you know, but I am hoping that I am sitting next to you as you watch this." Howard comments, "You have a son Steve, we have a son." He says, "A son that I've been a horrible father too." Howard says, Steve being able to detect the guilt in Howard's voice, "It was a couple of months after you went into the ice that I found out about Tony, a few more before I believed it, and even longer before I began to understand what is going on, before I understood that he was in a frozen like state at ten-week foetal development." He says, "For almost two and a half decades I worked to try and figure out a way to save our son, tried to figure out a way for him to live. Honestly I would have figured out a way sooner, but Peg wouldn't let me do anything to save him that would kill me in the process, even though I wanted to try." Howard explains.

"Thank you, Peggy." Steve mutters to himself.

"And after I finally figured out, I expected tings to go wrong again, I expected to lose him, and I don't think I ever lost that mindset, I let my fear control me, and Tony paid the price because of that." Howard reveals, "Every seventy-two hours for a year I had to inject our son in the base of his neck, and every time I wondered whether it would be enough for Tony to live to even the average lifespan, and I was terrified that it wouldn't be. After that first year I never stopped being afraid, being terrified, that I would wake up and he would be gone too, and that controlled me, but so did something else." Howard says, and unknown to everyone who is watching, even Steve, what he is about to say is incredibly hard for Howard say, "After Tony was born I struggled, I was depressed, terrified and I spent a long time like that." Howard reveals, "I thought I could handle it my own, but I couldn't, and for a long time I was too stubborn to ask for help. So, I was distant with Tony, cold, I don't think he knows that he is everything to me, and I don't even know how I can make things right with him." Howard reveals, "A year ago I started to get help, and ever since I've realised how much I've hurt Tony, and I'll never forgive myself for that, and you shouldn't either." Howard admits, there being a look on guilt on his face, "By now you'll know that I got married many years ago, Maria's a good woman, been a better friend than I deserve and a better parent to Tony than I've been." Howard admits, "She great, and I do love her, but I still love you. She knows that, accepted that I would never stop, that I would never be able to truly move on from you." Howard reveals, "It's been so long since I've seen you, but I can still picture you, picture the way we were together, and I wish we could be together again, and I hope when you're watching this we are." Howard says, "But if we're not know that I love you Steve. I carry you in my heart, and mind, every single minute of every single day, and I see you in our son. I hope you know Tony, and I hope you've gotten to be a father to him, because I know you'll be an amazing one, so much better than me." Howard says, "You, and Tony, have always been the most important people to me, you're the best of me, the good in me, and I love both so much so I hope you're together, even if I'm not there." Howard says, "I don't know how to finish this, you know that I've never been good at saying goodbye, that I hate it. So I don't know what to say just….. I love you Steve, so much, I'll never stop." Howard says, "I hope you're living your life, and I hope I'm there sharing it with you, but if I'm not then you should move on Steve, I want that for you, because it's what you deserve. You'll always be the love of my life Steve, and I hope we get to spend more of our lives together." Howard says, "You, me and our son, together, that's what I want for us, I love you, and just in case I never got to see you again, I guess I better say it; Goodbye Steve, but know that I'll always be with you." Howard says and once the does the film ends, Steve having silent tears running down his face as it does.

* * *

As soon as his father said Steve's name, started the message for him, Tony knew that he couldn't watch anymore, he knew that he had to leave, and so not even knowing where he was going Tony walked out of the room, and then, not being overly surprised Tony finds himself walking into his childhood bedroom.

"Stupid thing." Tony says angrily as he takes off the oxygen nasal cannula and pushes the oxygen away, looking around the room Tony can't help but think about all the time he spent in the room. He remembers the time he hid from his parents who didn't even realises that that is what he was doing. He remembers all the time he felt alone, all the times he felt afraid and wasn't comforted.

"The only person who was actually a parent to me wasn't even biologically my mother." Tony says to himself and as he does he finds himself becoming angry, and hurt. Looking around the room Tony sees some photos from his childhood on his old draws and he can't help but walk over to them. As he does he finds his anger and pain growing, even though he isn't going to admit it, "Lies, all lies." Tony says angrily as he pushes everything of his shelf to the ground, causing all the frames to smash.

"Tony." Rhodey says as he walks over to is best friend.

"Why didn't he tell me?" Tony asks, his voice breaking, "Didn't he think I deserved to know? Why couldn't he just tell me he cared?"

"Oh Tony." Rhodey tells him, "I don't know, but from what I saw the man on that video loved you, would have done anything for you, and was terrified that he may lose you." Rhodey says, not believing that he is defending Howard Stark as that is something he never thought would happen.

"That's not good enough!" Tony says sounding both angry and upset, "He should have told me, I deserved to know." Tony says, looking upset, "What does all this mean? What does this make me? Was I meant to have been born in 1945? What would that have meant? Why didn't he tell me?" Tony asks as he falls to his knees.

"I don't know." Rhodey says as he squats down next to his friend and puts his arms around his friend.

"He…. Should…...have… told…. Me." Tony says between wheezing, "I deserved to know."

"Yeah, you did." Rhodey says as he reaches out and pulls the oxygen close once more, "I'm sorry Tony."

"I… don't…... know…. What this means… who I am…." Tony says, as he continues to wheeze.

"You're who you've always been, this doesn't change that." Rhodey says.

"Yes, it does. Thor said… he said… that other than me there is nothing that can't be explained… he must have realised something." Tony says, it being clear that he is struggling even more, "You know this changes things."

"Here, you need this." Rhodey say as he hands the cannula back to Tony, "You'll figure it out, you always do." He says to his friend.

"He should have told me, should have explained." Tony says as he puts the oxygen back on, "It's not fair, I deserved to know." He says as he lets the tears roll down his face.

"Yeah, you did." Rhodey says as he pulls his friend in close and just holds him while Tony cries.

* * *

It has been about five minutes since Howard's video stopped playing and ever since Steve, Natasha, Sam, Clint and Wanda have been sitting in silence, no one really wanting to be the first to break the silence.

"So….." Clint says, finally breaking the silence because he can't handle it anymore, "You and Tony's Dad had a thing." He says to Steve.

"It was a lot more than a thing." Steve says, anger in his voice as to him what he and Howard had was so much more than just 'a thing.'

"But I thought you and Peggy…." Sam starts to say.

"No, never." Steve quickly says, "Peggy knew the truth, and so did some of the commandoes, our friends, they helped us keep it from my CO, and other people that if they learnt the truth wouldn't be good for us." Steve says, being pretty sure that 'wouldn't be good' is an understatement considering the time.

"Tony is your son." Wanda says, sounding shocked about that and thinking that she doesn't seem quite so strange anymore, saying what everyone is thinking but don't want to say.

"Looks like it." Steve says, not sure how to react to that, "What's in there?" Steve asks Natasha who has opened the locked folder.

"Research, reports, complicated science, just like he said." Natasha reveals, "And something for you." Natasha says as she hands Steve a black journal.

As he takes the journal from Natasha Steve is about to ask why she said it is for him when he notices, secure in place by the ties that are closing the journal shut is a piece of paper in Howard's familiar handwriting,

 _Steve,_

 _There are things I hope to be able to tell you myself one day, but if not, this journal is full of things I want you to know. From the day I was able to disrupt the suspended animation that our child was heled in, and every day of my pregnancy that followed I wrote in this journal. I wrote you, and our son. I wrote about everything that happened, things that I thought and things and I felt. Doing so made me feel closer to you, closer to both of you and I hope that reading my words does the same for you,_

 _All My Love,_

 _Howard_

"What does it say?" Sam asks curious.

"Just something he didn't say it the video." Steve explains, folding up the note, "I need to go find Tony." Steve explains as he stands up.

"I don't know if that is a good idea." Natasha suggests as she knows Tony pretty well and knows that he probably won't react well to being pushed into an emotional situation, "He might need some time."

"I need to talk to him." Steve says before he walks out of the room.

"That's going to end well." Natasha mutters as he goes.

"You really don't think so?" Clint asks curious.

"I really don't." Natasha comments as she is about ninety-nine percent sure that Steve going to talk to Tony right now is just going to end very badly.

"Okay, can we talk about the elephant in the room?" Sam asks curious, "Stark's Cap kid." He comments, "Anyone else finding a little strange?" he asks.

"It's more than a little strange." Clint comments, "Tony has two biological fathers, one of them is Steve, this is a hell of a lot more than a little strange." He comments.

"Isn't that our lives?" Wanda asks.

"I think this is strange, even for us." Natasha comments.

"Can I ask the obvious, what the hell do we do?" Sam asks curious.

"No clue." Clint comments and Wanda shrugs.

"We be supportive." Natasha comments, "And help Tony, and Steve, in whatever ways we can." She comments, "It's the only thing we can do." She says and the others nod in agreement.

* * *

As he has no idea where Tony would have gone Steve finds himself searching through most of the house, being amazed by how many pictures of him and him and Howard there are, before he finds an open door and looking into the room Steve finds Tony and Rhodey in the middle of the room, Rhodey clearly trying to comfort his friend.

For a minute Steve just stands at the door, watching, his friend and the man who it turns out is his son. As he stands Steve debates what to do, he thinks that it might be a good idea to leave Tony be, but on the other hand Steve knows that he and Tony have to talk, they have to discuss what they have learnt thanks to Howard's message. Honestly Steve doesn't know what the right choice is, he doesn't know whether he should go or wait.

"Tony." Steve says and he looks up, "I don't know if you're ready to talk yet, but when you are I'll be in Howard's office." Steve says from the doorway before leaving, realising that he can't push Tony to talk if he's not ready.

Actually being surprised that he didn't get lost Steve makes it back to Howard's office a couple of minutes later. As he gets to the office Steve allows himself to have a proper look around and as he does, he finds, even though he didn't know Howard when he was older, that he can easily picture Howard in the room.

After he spends a couple of minutes looking around the room Steve walks over to the couch that is off to the side and sits down. Taking a deep breath because he really doesn't know what to expect Steve undoes the ties over the journal before opening it to the first page. As he opens the journal Steve once more finds Howard's familiar handwriting and as he does he can't help but run his hand over the words before he begins to read them,

 _Steve,_

 _It happened, it finally happened. I figured it out, our child isn't frozen anymore; isn't in suspended animation. For twenty-five years I've been trying to figure this out, and now I have, our child, barring any complications, is going to be born, finally. I don't know what is going to happen next, I don't know if I'm going to be able to carry it to term, wow that's odd to write, I don't know if I'll be strong enough. So, I hope, that he, or she, has inherited your strength, because I have a feeling they're going to need it._

 _This is the very thing I've wanted for so long, and I am happy, I can't wait to meet our child, who, if my math is right, which it always is, was conceived during our little Christmas adventure, but you should be here. I need you Steve, our child needs you. I'm scared, and you know how big it is for me to admit that, I could use some of your strength right now. I love you, please come home to us,_

 _Howard_

"I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you Howard, I'm so sorry." Steve says, hating that he missed so much when he was frozen, and trying not to think about the fact that if he didn't go into the ice then Tony would have born twenty-five years sooner, and he wouldn't be sick right now.

After taking a few seconds to collect himself, being pretty sure that things are only going to become harder to read Steve flips to the second page and continues to read.

* * *

It has been about half an hour since Steve told Tony that he would be in Howard's office when Tony was ready to talk and ever since Tony has been sitting on the floor in his childhood bedroom, being heled by his best friend, as tears of anger, pain and betrayal roll down his face.

As the tears start to stop and Tony finds his breathing becoming easier once more Tony pushes himself out of his best friend's arms.

"You okay?" Rhodey asks concerned.

"I don't even know if okay is an option." Tony admits, "But I'm better."

"You sure about that?" Rhodey asks as he can see through the mask that Tony has put onto his face

"No." Toy admits, "Do you think I should go talk to him?"

"I think that that is up to you." Rhodey tells his best friend, "I can't tell you what to do on this one, Tony."

"Really? Now off all times you choose not to?" Tony asks, being surprised by that.

"Yep, you really don't want me to tell you what to do, Tony." Rhodey tells his friend, knowing that because he knows him, "You need decide for yourself if you want to talk to Steve, and honestly either choice is okay." Rhodey says, "What do you want?" Rhodey asks and for a little while Tony ponders the question.

"I think…. I think, I'll go talk to him." Tony says, not entirely sure of his decision.

"You sure?" Rhodey ask.

"Don't ask me that." Tony admits, being pretty sure that he will change his mind if he thinks about it, "Can you help me up?" He asks and without a comment Rhodey helps Tony so that he is standing.

"I think I'll go check on the others, make sure that they're not destroying anything." Rhodey comments.

"I wouldn't care if they do." Tony says as he walks out of the room.

"Yeah, you would." Rhodey mutters to himself as he heads out of the room, knowing that country to what Tony said he would care if anything in his childhood room was damaged, or destroyed.

* * *

A couple of minutes after Rhodey left Tony's old room he walks back into the library where Natasha, Clint, Sam and Wanda still are, all four of them looking like they at a lot for what to do.

"How's Tony?" Clint asks when he sees Rhodey, actually being concerned about him.

"Doing as okay as he can be, considering." Rhodey answers, "He's gone to talk to Steve."

"That's either going to go very well, or very badly." Natasha comments, being pretty sure that it is going to be the ladder.

"That's what I'm thinking." Rhodey comments, "Did the rest of Howard's message say anything interesting?"

"That depends on your definition of interesting." Clint says.

"I figured as much." Rhodey admits as he sits down.

"Shouldn't we be doing something to help?" Wanda asks the group.

"Right now there is nothing we can do. We've just got to let them be." Natasha comments, as even though she wants to do something she knows it's better to do nothing.

"What if letting them be causes things to go to hell?" Sam asks curious, "Because I'm pretty sure that that is a strong possibility." He says.

"Yeah, it's a possibility, but right now they need to figure things out. They need to figure out what this means for them." Natasha informs everyone, "They don't need us interfering."

"I've got to agree with Natasha on this one." Rhodey comments, "If we try to help it could just make things worse."

"So we just sit here and wait?" Clint asks curious.

"Yeah, we just sit and wait." Natasha tells her partner and the group of them drift into silence all of them wondering how Steve and Tony talking is going to go, all of them expecting it to go badly.

* * *

Even though the walk to is father's, Howard's, office is one that he has made many times, many less than pleasant times, Tony is pretty sure that this walk is harder than all those times combined. As he gets to a few meters away from the door to the office Tony takes a deep breath, having no idea how tis talk is going to go, or even what he is going to say, Tony forces himself to walk forward and with every, every slow, step he takes Tony resists the urge to turn and run in the opposite direction.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Everything belongs to their rightful owners.

 **AN1:** Thank you for the support. **PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW.**

* * *

After making the last few steps to Howard's office, which to Tony honestly feels like the longest walk he's ever taken, Tony finally arrives at the doorway to Howard's office. Looking into the office Tony finds Steve sitting on the couch that he himself sat on many, many times, reading a black journal.

"What you reading?" Tony asks curious, thinking that it is a good ice breaker.

"It was something Howard left in the folder with the research." Steve reveals, looking up "He wrote to you, and me, from the day he managed to disrupt the suspended animation until the day you were born." Steve tells Tony as he closes the journal.

"Oh." Tony says, not sure how to react to that, honestly he isn't sure how to react to anything right now, he's feeling pretty numb.

"Yeah." Steve admits, "After you left, on his message, Howard said that after you were born he struggled, was depressed, and terrified that was going to lose you." Steve reveals, "He said that he tried to handle what was going on with him himself, but a year before the message was recorded he started to get professional help for that." Steve reveals, "He wanted you to know that you were everything to him, and that after he got some help Howard realised that he would never forgive himself for how he treated you, and he said that I shouldn't either." He tells Tony, thinking that it might help him to hear.

"I'll have to see that for myself." Tony says, honestly if he didn't know that Steve never lies he wouldn't believe it, "I don't know how I'm supposed to react to this." He admits.

"Neither do I." Steve admits, standing up, "But I do know that there has only ever been one person that I've ever wanted to have a family with, and that was Howard." Steve reveals, as one of the things that made him happiest when he woke up, one of the things that amazed him the most, was learning that it was accepted, and even common, for people like him and Howard to have families together in this time, "One of the last things Howard said on his message was that he wanted me to move on if he wasn't here when I saw the message, but I can't do that. Howard was everything to me, he was my one true love, and I'll never be able to move on from him." he admits, "When I left to go fight Red Skull I told Howard that as long as I had my shield I'd have a piece of him with me, but I never even considered the possibility that I was leaving a piece of me with him." Steve says, taking a step towards him, "If I had known about you, if had known that it was even a possibility, I would have fought so much harder to come home to you, to both of you." Steve reveals.

"This is beyond strange for me." Tony admits, "It makes some things clearer, but that doesn't change the fact that the person who was the most like a parent to me, turns out wasn't even my biological parent." He says, "You said that Dad had his issues, which really makes sense, but from everything I've learnt in the last hour it was my fault. He was depressed after I was born, and terrified because of me. If it wasn't for me then he wouldn't have felt like that, he would have continued to be the person you knew, maybe it would have been better if he hadn't found out how to disrupt whatever it was that was keeping me frozen." Tony comments, and what is the most painful thing about what Tony is saying is that he clearly believes that.

"There is something you should read." Steve says as he opens the journal, that he is still holding, to a page he has already read.

Not really sure what to expect Tony looks down at the page, and like Steve he recognizes the handwriting right away,

 _I felt him move today, and yes, I know I said I wouldn't assign a gender, but I don't want to keep saying it. It was the most incredible feeling, and I look forward to feeling him move so much more because it's something I wasn't sure I'd get to feel him, but that incredible thing wasn't the only thing that happened today, but that the other thing wasn't nearly as great. It happened again, I felt cramps and pain, but this time I struggled to breath too. Jarvis wasn't far away so he got me help, but for a couple of minutes I felt that this would be the end, and that, horrified me, but not because of what it would mean to me, but what it would mean for our child._

 _As things progress it's getting harder on my body, and I know what's becoming more of a possibility, and I've accepted that. What I can't accept is anything happening to our baby. I'm a scientist, I believe in facts, you know that, and yet I find myself loving our child, even though I've never met him, I can't explain that or the protectiveness I feel. All I know is that I love him and will do whatever it takes to make sure he lives._

 _I've been thinking lately about what I want our child to know if I don't make it through this, or if something happened to me because of this, and I've realised that I would want him to know the truth, and I wouldn't want him to blame himself. I'd want him to know that I love him, more than anything, and that I'm doing what I think is best for him. If something happens to me while bringing him into this world I'd want him to know that I would never regret my actions, not If he is okay._

 _I should get some sleep; it's getting late…. I love you Steve, and I love our son, come home to us, please._

"Come home to us." Tony mutters.

"He signs off every entry with that." Steve reveals, knowing that that is true at least for the ones he's read, "Howard wouldn't want you to blame yourself for his actions, and you shouldn't."

"It's not that easy." Tony says as he closes the journal, "I think this belongs to you, not me." He says as he hands it back to Steve.

"He writes to both of us, not just me." Steve informs Tony as he takes the journal.

"Maybe, but I'm not ready to read it." Tony admits, "I don't know what you want, Steve, but I need time. I need to think, figure out a few things." Tony explains, "So, can we hold of this talk until we've had some time to talk about this?"

"Sure." Steve responds, as even though he knows what he wants he'll wait for Tony, even though that might be hard, "And I don't mean to overstep, but are you feeling okay?" Steve asks concerned, "Your face is going red again." He notes.

"Yeah, I think we should get Dad's research and head back to the compound." Tony admits as the Ice vest is melting so it's not helping to control his temperature quiet as much.

"I'll get the others and meet you by the cars." Steve says.

"Sounds good." Tony says and Steve heads out of the room.

After Steve leaves Tony looks around the office, thinking about all the times he spent in this office with his father, and how nine times out of ten Howard would have been talking about Steve.

"Was that your way of trying to tell me?" Tony asks out loud, knowing that he will never get an answer to that.

* * *

After leaving Tony, walking faster than his usual walking pace Steve makes his way to the library.

"Hey, how'd the talk go?" Natasha, the first one to notice him asks.

"I'd say good considering everything." Steve admits, "Tony's burning up again, we've got to get back to the compound, with all that." Steve says, referring to Howard's research as well as Howard's filmed messages, and within a minute everything has been packed up and the group of six head out of the library, meeting up with Tony in the foyer before they all leave Tony's childhood home.

* * *

Hours later everyone is back at the compound and while Tony, Doctor Cho and Vision are working on a way to help Tony thanks to Howard's research, everyone else is spread out through the facility. Honestly Steve would like to be in the lab with them, but he figures that it wouldn't be good for two reasons, one he'd just get in the way, and two, it would be pushing Tony into something he's not ready for and so he's forcing himself to stay away.

Tony doesn't even know how long he has been sitting at a desk in the lab going all through his father's old research while trying to figure out a way to use what Howard knew to stabilise him permanently when he hears footsteps and someone places a cup of coffee at him. Having a pretty good idea about who it is who is giving him coffee Tony looks up but to his complete shock it wasn't any of the people he was expecting at all, it's Natasha.

"Is this because I found out my big family secret or because I'm dying?" Tony asks Natasha, who has sat down on the table next to him, thinking that the only time that Natasha has ever gotten him coffee before is when she was pretending to be his assistant.

"Whichever reason you want." Natasha responds, "Whichever you need to believe."

"Thanks." Tony says and Natasha just gives him a look.

"How's this going? Are you close to figuring this out?" Natasha asks curious, knowing that she should talk to Tony about the science and not his feelings, but that even doing so she'll be able to get a gage on how he's feeling, how he's coping.

"It's going slow. I've read Dad's work before, his notebooks, and I've never read notes this detailed, this complicated, or thought out." Tony admits.

"That's because you've never read notes about something this important." Natasha comments, "He was trying to figure out how to make sure you'd live." Natasha reminds Tony.

"Yea, I'm trying not to think about that fact." Tony admits, "Although, considering the chemical composition I'm kind of glad that I don't remember what the 'every seventy-two hours' injections felt like, because they would have burned and hurt like hell." Tony says.

"Do you think you're going to have those injections again?" Natasha asks curious.

"I'm not sure yet, but I think that whatever I'm going to have to do to stabilise me is going to be more complicated." Tony explains, using complicated as a synonym for dangerous, "Dad developed these methods to stabilise me as an infant, an infant that is still developing. I'm a grown adult now, an adult who, honestly, isn't the greatest health, that makes things different. It's going to take time for me to figure this out." Tony tells Natasha.

"Do you have time?" Natasha asks, "I mean you're already on oxygen and have an ice vest on. Realistically how long do you have to figure this out?" she asks, curious being pretty sure that the answer is going to be, 'not long enough.'

"Hard to say, but my best guess is to my organs start shutting down." Tony says, as in his best guess is that's where everything is heading.

"And how long until that happens?"

"Hard to say." Tony says, leaving out the fact that he has a suspicion.

"Stop avoiding the question, Tony. How long?" Natasha asks, being able to tell that Tony is avoiding the question.

"I'd say, within seventy-two hours." Tony explains, avoiding looking at Natasha as he does.

"This is happening because your Dad altered DNA after a lack of exposure to the serum from Steve caused you to be basically frozen, right?" Natasha asks curious.

"Yeah, but that's something else that I'm trying not to think about." Tony comments, wondering where Natasha is going with this.

"Then wouldn't that fix the problem, a blood transfusion from Steve? Or something else like that?" Natasha asks, as even though she doesn't know quiet as much about science as Tony or Doctor Cho she does have quite a bit of knowledge and that seems like the obvious option.

"It wouldn't do enough." Tony admits, "Yes, a part of whatever I create to fix me will have to include Steve's blood, if he's willing, but it will have to include other things too. To stabilise me, to reverse the DNA degrading the compound will have to include not just Steve's blood, but something like the compound Dad created, or an altered version of it, and something to reverse the damage done too, I'm not exactly sure of what, yet." He comments.

"Steve will be willing to help, I'm pretty sure that you won't even have to ask." Natasha informs Tony, "And I'm sure you'll figure it out."

"Here's hoping." Tony mutters to himself.

"I know you haven't. So, do you want me to call Pepper?" Natasha asks curious, wanting to do something to help.

"We broke up today." Tony reminds Natasha.

"So? She's still one of your closet friends." Natasha reminds him, "And if you can't get over your damn ego I'll make the call."

"Don't." Tony tells her, "One of the reasons things is over is because she didn't want to watch me die, if either of us make the call that is exactly what we'll be doing to her."

"Okay." Natasha says, "I should let you get back to work." Natasha says as she stands up, reaching over and squeezing his shoulder before she walks away.

"Nat." Tony says and she turns back around, "Thanks for the coffee." He tells her, not saying that he is also thanking her for the conversation and not bringing up the fact that Steve is his biological father, and in response Natasha just gives him a smirk before she walks out of the room.

* * *

While Natasha and Tony are in the lab together Steve is walking in the corridor outside, trying to figure out whether going into the lab would be a good idea.

"Don't do it." A voice says and Steve turns to see Sam.

"Why not?" Steve asks, "Wouldn't talking be good, wouldn't offering to help be a good idea?" Steve asks.

"Not now." Sam says, "Look, I don't know Tony all that well, but I do know that anyone getting this kind of news has to be a shock, it changes everything he thought he knew, and add to that the fact that he has to figure out a way to save himself." Sam explains, "The last thing he needs, the least helpful thing right now, would be forcing him to talk about what we learnt."

"I just want to help." Steve says, leaving out that he honestly wants to talk to Tony so that they can figure out how to move forward.

"I know, but I think to help this time you're going to have to be patient." Sam says and as he does the door opens and Natasha walks out, and as she does she sees who is waiting.

"No, nah huh, no." Natasha says as she walks over and grabs Steve's arm, "You're coming with me." She says as she pulls Steve down the corridor.

* * *

A couple of minutes later Natasha has managed to pull Steve into the conference room and has shut the door behind them.

"What are you doing, Nat?" Steve asks her.

"What are you doing, Steve?" Natasha responds.

"I was going to go into the lab." Steve tells Natasha.

"I thought you were going to give him time space." Natasha says to him, sounding annoyed, "And if this is your definition of space then we're going to have a whole other conversation." She comments.

"I know, I said that, and it's not." Steve admits, "Its just…... Is he okay?" Steve asks, as before he found out about all this he considered Tony to be his friend and now, after learning Tony is his son, he can't help but be worry about him.

"Considering everything, yeah." Natasha tells Steve, "He's not doing any of the self-destructive things I've seen Tony do to avoid dealing. He's going through Howard's research on him, trying to figure it out." Natasha explains to Steve.

"Is he getting closer? Will he figure it out?" Steve asks curious, it being clear that he is worried.

"I'd say chances are good, what consequences occur from that is another matter." Natasha tells Steve, "Look, Steve. I know you, so I know that you want to be there for Tony, to make up for all those years you've missed, but what you've got to understand is that Tony's never known a parental figure like that." Natasha tells her friend, "I know Howard's message explains why that is, but that doesn't change things for Tony. It doesn't change the fact that a butler was the person he was closest to as a child, or that Howard wasn't around much, or that Maria, that was more of a parent than Howard, wasn't biologically his parent, and it doesn't change the fact that is mentor, his father figure, was the reason he was kidnapped by terrorists and tried to kill him." Natasha says, walking closer to Steve, "I know you love Howard, that he was everything to you, but what you've got to understand is the man you love was gone long before he died, Tony never knew that version of him." Natasha says, "Give Tony time, Steve, otherwise you're just going to push him away, maybe forever. Be patient, wait for him to come to you, because knowing Tony he will eventually, even if it just starts out as curiosity."

"I don't want him to think I don't care." Steve tells Natasha, "After everything you just said, everything I know he's been through, I want him to know that I want to be there for him. I want to be… whatever he'll let me be."

"You want to be his father." Natasha realises.

"If I can be." Steve says, meaning that completely, "If he'll let me."

"Then I might have an idea." Natasha says, getting an idea, "It's a way for you to show Tony you care without pushing him."

"I'll do it, whatever it is." Steve tells her and Natasha begins to explain her idea.

* * *

A couple of hours later, doing so because Doctor Cho has given him no choice in the matter, Tony is walking into is room to get a couple of hours sleep before returning to the lab, knowing that Doctor Cho is going to check in on him a few times to make sure he is okay.

As Tony walks in his room, to is surprise, he finds an envelope sitting on his pillow, being confused about what it could be Tony walks over and picks up the envelope, which unsurprisingly as is name written on the front. Sitting down on his bed, being careful not to sit on the oxygen, Tony opens the envelope, unfolds the letter and begins to read,

 _Tony,_

 _I wanted to tell you all this myself, but Natasha suggested giving you space. She said that if I talked to you I'd push you away, which is the last thing I want._

 _After everything we learnt today being shocked is normal, but it's also amazing. Like I told you earlier Howard was, and still is, the love of my life, you were created out of the incredible love we shared, but what I didn't tell you is that Howard and I once talked about having a family. It was a different time back then, and we both thought that it would be something that would only happen in our wildness dream, but it was something we both desired. We wanted to have a family together, we wanted to figure out a way, and to know you are our son that means the world to me, and you should know that you were wanted, even before I knew you existing was possible._

 _At the end of every page of Howard's Journal he wrote 'please come home to us.' And I'm sorry that I didn't. Even though it was out of my control If I knew about you I would have fought harder to come home, to make it out of the ice, because that's what Howard, and you are, my home._

 _I'm thrilled that you are my son, Tony, and I wish I, we, could have known this a long time ago. I know that things haven't always been easy for you and that your history with parental figures has been painful and disappointing, and I'm sorry that you experience that. So, if you need time to figure out how you feel then I promise that I will try to be as patient as possible, but know that I am not going anywhere Tony. I now you are an adult Tony, but I want to be your father, in whatever way you'll let me be._

 _This letter is getting long, and even though there are many more things that I would like to say I won't. I'll wait until we talk face to face. Take all the time you need, I know you have a lot to think about, I just ask that you consider giving me a chance to be the father that you should have always know,_

 _Steve._

"How are you so good?" Tony mutters to himself, still having no idea what to think and honestly not being able help but wonder how Steve could be one of his biological father's when they are nothing alike.

After reading the letter Tony gets ready for bed. Ten minutes later Tony is ready for bed and lying on his back, the only way he can lead with the oxygen cannula. Even though he is working on well over twenty-four hours without sleep Tony is wide awake. As he lays Tony runs through everything he has learnt.

"He apparently cared, but lied to me my whole life." Tony says to himself, "I have two Dad's, no biological mother." Tony says to himself, thinking that everything Maria did for him growing up, now means so much more. "Why would he even want to be a parent to me?" Tony asks himself, not being able to understand why Steve would possibility want to do that, as he completely avoids the fact that he is an adult so doesn't even need a parent in the strictest sense of the word, "Don't go there." Tony says to himself, and so, needing a distraction Tony picks up the letter that Steve left and reads it once more, and then again, and again.

Within half an hour Tony has managed to fall asleep, but he has fallen asleep with Steve's letter on his chest. Even though he has read Steve's letter about five time Tony still isn't sure how he feels about everything, but he knows that he can't let himself think about Steve's offer until he figures out how to stabilise himself as he knows that he can only deal with one major thing at a time. But, once he is no longer dying Tony will allow himself to think about everything, he will let himself thinks about the fact that Steve actually wants to be a father to him, what that means, and maybe then he'll be able to actually figure out what he wants.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Everything belongs to their rightful owners.

 **AN1:** Thank you for the support. PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW.

* * *

It has been two days since Tony and Steve, as well as everyone else, found out that Steve is Tony's biological father too, and since Tony found a letter waiting for him. Ever since then Tony has read the letter about a hundred times and has been using the fact that he is getting sicker to avoid thinking about what he is feeling, and avoiding Steve.

Even though he desperately wants to talk to Tony Steve has been doing just what he said he would and has been giving space, though it turns out that that is harder than Steve thought it would be.

It is about lunch time and Tony and Doctor Cho are in the lab together working on the compound that should hopefully stabilise Tony.

"The ice vests aren't working as well." Tony says as he changes the vest once more.

"I've noticed." Doctor Cho comments, "And your oxygen levels are down even though I've increase the nasal cannula amount, and judging by the jaundice that started two hours ago I'm going to say that your liver has started shutting down." She tells Tony.

"Yeah, which means I don't have long." Tony realises, "We don't have enough time to test the compound, I don't have enough time." Tony says, it sounding like it is not a big deal.

"Tony, even with all the research we have done, everything your Dad did, there are still a lot of uncertainties. Chances are this compound will kill you." Doctor Cho tells Tony.

"I'll likely be dead in a day anyway." Tony reminds Doctor Cho, "I take risks, I'm prepared to take this risk." He comments.

"That, you get from Steve." Doctor Cho informs Tony, who chooses to ignore the comment.

"So we've got, what half an hour until the compound is ready?" Tony asks.

"About that long." Doctor Cho admits, "Can I give you some advice?" she asks.

"Do I have a choice?" Tony asks as he is pretty sure that he knows the answer.

"Go talk to Steve."

"Helen…" Tony starts to say but Doctor Cho cuts him off.

"I'm talking." Helen informs Tony, "I want to be confident about this compound, I really do, but we both know that chances are that within forty minutes you'll be dead, or dying, and even though I will fight like hell to get you back, it's likely I won't succeed. That's the truth." Helen tells Tony, "Steve's your Dad, whether you're ready to admit it or not, and this might be your last chance to talk to him, so you should."

"I don't think I want to have that kind of heavy talk." Tony admits.

"Then go and tell him what we're about to do. He probably should hear about that from you." Doctor Cho, "You'll regret it if you don't talk to him."

"I'll be dead, the dead don't have regrets." Tony tells Helen.

"You should still go talk to him." Helen tells Tony, "This is your one shot Tony, and you should think about taking it, and considering what might happen you really should take it." Helen tells Tony and as he hears his friends' words Tony finds himself thinking about what he should do.

"I think I might." Tony says, not sure if he is completely okay with his own idea, "Come get me when the compound is ready." He requests.

"I will, but you come back here if your help gets worse." Helen tells Tony.

* * *

Partly because he had to walk slower than usual, and partly because he wasn't exactly sure where to look, it is a few minutes before Tony finds Steve, sitting in one of the common areas reading Howard's journal.

"Have you still not finished reading that?" Tony asks curious.

"I'm reading it again." Steve responds, though technically he is reading it for the third time, and as he turns to look at Tony he gets a look of shock on his face, "What happened?"

"Helen and I suspect that my liver is shutting down." Tony admits, as he walks over.

"You're doing something about that, right?" Steve asks worried.

"Yeah, we've finished the compound, but it won't be ready to use for another half an hour." Tony explains as he sits down on a chair next to Steve, doing so because he isn't sure if he can stand for long enough.

"And that will help you?" Steve asks, leaving off the "save you.' That he is thinking.

"It's should, but this is where things get complicated." Tony admits, "We don't have time to test the compound, I don't have time to test it, and there are risks." He tells Steve.

"What kind of risks?" Steve asks, it is concerned that his mind is going to the worse things.

"Dying quicker than I already am is the most likely possibility." Tony admits.

"No, that's not acceptable. There must be something else you can try." Steve says, looking hurt.

"There's not." Tony answers, "And we don't have the time to think of a safer option." He admits, "But we used Dad's research, and the fact that your blood was used in the compound increases the chances of it working, but it's still a risk." Tony admits.

"One that you don't care about taking." Steve realises, not over surprised by that.

"Of course not. I'm dying anyway, Steve, and using this compound gives me a chance and I'd rather die taking that chance than not trying at all." Tony informs Steve.

"Sounds like what I would do." Steve comments.

"Sounds like things you have done." Tony responds.

"True." Steve says and the two of them exchange smiles, both of them realising that this is the first time since the news that they have had a pleasant conversation, "Tony….." he starts to say, but Tony cuts him off.

"Not now Steve, please." Tony requests, "I know that we've got to talk about…. Everything, but I don't think it would be fair to either of us to have that talk now." He admits.

"Yeah… guess it wouldn't be." Steve realises, trying not to think about what Tony saying means, and the two of them drift into silence, neither sure what to say next.

"There's just one thing I want to know." Tony asks, breaking the silence, after a couple of minutes, "When did you two meet? When did you get together?" Tony asks curious, honestly he isn't sure if he is ready to know, but he wants to know.

"When we met is complicated." Steve admits, feeling that the fact that Tony is asking that is a big step, "I saw him for the first time before I was injected with a serum, it was at a World Exposition of Tomorrow. Howard was demonstrating his flying car, his unsuccessful flying car." Steve says with a fond smile, remembering that Howard promised him a flying car one day, "And then we actually met on the day I was injected with the serum." Steve explains, "But then it was months before we saw each other again." Steve explains, "Howard flew me, against orders, behind enemy lines."

"I know the story." Tony interrupts, wanting new information, not things he already knows.

"I thought you might." Steve comments, "After that I actually became a solider and Howard made all our gear. After a mission in France Howard and I were in his workshop discussing the designs that need improving when Howard pulled out that, up until that point, was the most expensive bottle of scotch I had ever seen." Steve reveals, "I pointed out that he should know I couldn't get drunk, to which Howard said that he always likes a challenge, and suggested we go back to his house, we did." Steve explains, and then he tries to think of the best way to explain what happened next, "We talked and had a couple of drinks and then Howard kissed me." Steve explains, "He said that he knew that I had been wanting to do that for months but was too afraid to act so he figured that he'd get it over with for both of our sakes." Steve explains with a smile, being pretty sure that Tony really wouldn't want to know what happened next so he doesn't mention it.

"Was he right?" Tony asks curious.

"Of course." Steve responds, as Howard usually was right, about somethings anyway.

"Huh." Tony says.

"Yeah, we spend a lot of time in Howard's London house." Steve reveals, leaving out that the reason they spent so much time there was because it was harder for them to get caught.

"I guess that would explain the 'never sell' order that was in the will about that place." Tony comments, and honestly it hurts Steve to hear him talk about Howard being dead so casually.

"Yeah, guess it would." Steve says, not sure how to react to that, just like he's not sure how to react to so much.

"I should get back to the lab." Tony says, as honestly he is starting to feel pain, everywhere, and he knows what that means.

"Oh okay." Steve says, knowing that there is so much more that he wants to say, but he isn't sure how to say it, or even whether he should.

"Yeah." Tony says and as he does he sways on his feet, almost falls but Steve is up in a flash and catches him, "Thanks."

"You don't have to thank me." Steve assures him, "Why don't I help you back to the lab, if that's okay with you." He comments and honestly Tony isn't sure how to respond to that as his pride is saying, 'no way', but he knows that chances are he won't make it without help.

"Yeah, I guess it is." Tony admits and honestly that worries Steve as he knows Tony well enough to know how big it is for him to actually accept help.

"Okay." Steve says and he puts his arm around Tony, causing him to lean on Steve a little and together they make their way to the lab, walking slowly because Tony can't walk very fast, even with help.

* * *

It takes a few minutes but Steve and Tony finally make it into the lab where not just Doctor Cho Is but Rhodey, Sam, Wanda, Natasha, Clint and Vision are too.

"Pain?" Helen asks Tony as she sees him leaning on Steve.

"Yeah." Tony admits, "Don't look at me like that. I've looked worse." Tony says to Rhodey who is looking at him worried.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." Rhodey says with a frown

"Oh yeah? What about after Obadiah took the arch reactor out of my chest?" Tony asks Rhodey, causing Steve, who is helping him over to the medical bed, to frown, "I looked worse then."

"Not by much." Rhodey responds.

"What about Spring Break MIT?" Tony asks, "We both looked pretty bad then." Tony comments.

"Let's not go there." Rhodey requests, causing Tony to laugh.

"How long until the compound Is ready?" Steve asks Doctor Cho as Tony makes himself comfortable on the bed.

"Just a few more minutes." Helen responds as she connects Tony to all the monitoring equipment and starts to get everything she may need ready, including a deliberator.

"Is that going to be necessary?" Sam asks curious, asking what they are all thinking.

"Probably." Tony answers.

"Really?" Steve asks concerned.

"Yeah, we're not sure exactly what is going to happen once Tony is injected with the compound, but we know cardiac arrest is a strong possibility." Doctor Cho explains.

"If it is so dangerous why are you doing it?" Wanda asks, not being able to understand.

"Because there is nothing else I can do." Tony explains, causing everyone to frown, and drift into silence.

"So, apart from cardiac arrest what else might happen to Tony?" Steve asks concerned, breaking the silence after a few minutes.

"There's a lot of possibilities, and even if thing go well chances are I'm going to spend a while unconscious while my body adjusts to the changes." Tony explains.

"How long?" Natasha asks curious.

"We're not sure." Doctor Cho admits.

"Is there anything you know for sure?" Clint asks curious, as he is pretty sure that it doesn't seem like it.

"Not really." Tony admits, "Just that I need to give a go." Tony admits and as he does Doctor Cho heads back over to the where compound is.

"It's ready." Doctor Cho informs everyone.

"Here we go." Tony comments.

"Tony….." Steve starts to say.

"Don't." Tony quickly says, "Don't say it, whatever it is, I don't want to hear it, not now." Tony tells Steve.

"There might not be another chance." Steve points out, hating that that is true, but knowing it is and knowing that if his son is going to die then he wants him to know that he is loved, even if he isn't ready to hear that.

"Aren't you meant to be optimistic?" Tony asks curious, "I don't want to know anything you wouldn't' say if there wasn't a real chance that I am about to die."

"I'd still say it if you weren't about to get injected with the compound." Steve tells Tony, "I'm glad you're my son, and I hope this works because I want the chance to get to know you."

"Okay." Tony says with a nod, having no idea what else to say as Doctor Cho walks over with a tray, which has four needles on it, all large, with a substance that is dark blue insane.

Once she is next to Tony Doctor Cho moves the oxygen cannula out of the way slightly so that it doesn't get caught or kinked with what Tony has to do.

"Remember how this has to go?" Doctor Cho asks Tony.

"Yep." Tony says, "Arm first?"

"Of course." Doctor Cho says and she uses one of the needles to inject into Tony's arm, and he doesn't even react to that.

"That wasn't too bad." Tony comment.

"That was the easy one." Helen comments.

"Oh, I know." Tony says as he rolls onto his side so his back is facing Helen.

"Bring your legs to your chest, I'm going to do the one at the base of your spine first." Helen tells Tony.

"Okay." Tony says, his voice sounding slightly uncertain. Getting an idea Steve walks over and stands in Tony's eye line.

"Did Howard ever tell you about the time Peggy shot at both of us?" Steve asks curious.

"Dad, no. Aunt Peggy did." Tony comments and as he does his face scrunches up in pain.

"Hey, it's okay, just a few more seconds." Steve says, stopping himself before he reaches over and takes his son's hands which is what he really wants to do.

"No it won't be, I've got two more to go." Tony says.

"They're going to hurt more." Doctor Cho tells Tony, "And I have to do them quickly."

"I know. Just do it." Tony tells Helen, as he unconsciously moves away from Helen.

"Do you think you could stay still?" Helen asks as she really doesn't want to inject Tony in the base of his neck if he's going to move.

"I don't know." Tony admits.

"Okay then, I need two of you to hold Tony still." Doctor Cho says, looking at Natasha, Clint, Sam, Rhodey and Wanda.

"Okay." Rhodey says and he and Natasha walk over and they both Tony in a way that will prevent him from moving.

Once she is sure that Tony can't move Doctor Cho injects the first needle into the base of Tony's neck, and with every second Tony tries harder to hold in the pain.

"Just one more Tony." Helen says before she starts to inject the last needle into the exact same place, as she does tears of pain form in Tony's eyes.

"It's okay. Just a little while longer." Steve says, in a caring tone of voice as he reaches out and takes Tony's hands, not being able to stop himself this time, "If it hurts just squeeze my hand." Steve requests and it is a testament to how much pain Tony is in that he actually squeezes Steve's hand.

"Okay, it's done. Slowly roll back onto your back." Helen says and Tony, with help of Rhodey and Natasha, does just that, neither Steve or Tony noticing that Tony hasn't let go of Steve's hand.

"How do you feel?" Steve asks, thinking that the fact there has been no reaction must be a good thing.

"Okay I…." Tony starts to say but then he suddenly tense and his eyes roll back.

"TONY!" Steve yells terrified as Tony starts to seize.

"Get back!" Helen says as she looks at the machines that are monitoring Tony, "This is exactly what we were worried about." She comments as she picks opens a draw and pulls out a needle which she injects Tony with.

"Come on Tony." Steve mutters to himself and as he does the machines start to beep, "HELEN?" Steve asks worried.

"I need you to get back, Steve." Helen informs him.

"No." Steve says, as he isn't going to leave his son.

"Steve, come on." Natasha says as she and Sam pull Steve away from Tony, forcing him to let go of his son's hand.

"He's going into cardiac arrest." Doctor Cho informs everyone as she works on trying to save Tony.

* * *

 _Tony's Unconscious_

 _As he opens his eyes Tony can tell, right away that something is wrong. Not only does he realise that he is in an empty room, but he realises that it, while cleaner and whiter than Tony ever remembers it being, looks just like the lab his father had when he was a child._

" _Okay, if this is being dead then I've got to say, I'm disappointed." Tony mutters to himself as he sits up._

" _It's not." A voice says and Tony turns to see a figure, is father looking just like he remembers him, "I mean yes, technically your cardiac function has ceased so you are dead, but this isn't the afterlife."_

" _Dad." Tony says, shocked, "You're just an image of my subconscious right? The chemical composition of the compound and the fact that my heart has stopped has done this, right?" Tony asks as he stands up._

" _No. This is real." Howard says, "If you don't want to believe it than that's okay, but we don't have time to argue about it." He comments._

" _If my heart has stopped doesn't that mean that I have all the time in the world?" Tony asks curious._

" _No, your friends are trying to save you." Howard says, "And Steve won't let you go without a fight, believe me."_

" _I was wanting for that." Tony mutters bitterly, as he was sure that it wouldn't be too long before this, what he believes to be, image of his father mentions Steve._

" _I'm real Tony, and even if you don't believe I am this is your chance to ask what I know you want to ask." Howard informs his son._

" _Okay, I'll play along, why didn't you tell me?" Tony asks, anger in his voice, "Why didn't you tell me that I have two fathers?"_

" _When you were younger I wanted to wait until you would understand, as you became older I didn't know how to, and then I waited too long and I thought finally telling you the truth would hurt you too much." Howard reveals._

" _Well, guess what, it hurt more you keeping this secret." Tony explains, sounding angry, "I deserved to know, and what about Mom? She knew right?" Tony asks, hoping that the answer is yes._

" _Yeah, she did, and she loved you as her own, she did since the day you were born." Howard reveals as he takes a step towards Tony, "Maria tried, for so long to get me to tell you the truth, and I'm sorry that I didn't." Howard tells him, "I'm sorry that I hurt you Tony, I'm sorry that I lied and I'm sorry that I was such a bad father, you deserved better." He informs Tony, "But you need to know that I did, I do, love you so much Tony. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me." Howard explains to his son._

" _This is definitely in my imagination; my real father would never have said that." Tony comments._

" _I'm so sorry Tony. I'm sorry that I hurt you so much, I'm sorry that you believe that, and I'm sorry for everything I did to hurt you." Howard tells Tony, it being clear that he means everything he is saying, "If I could do things differently I would have, I would have put aside my stubbornness and gotten help sooner, before I hurt you."_

" _I really want to believe you are real right now." Tony says as those are words that he has been wanting to hear for a very long time._

" _I am." Howard says and he walks the rest of the distance between him and his son and hugs him, "I love you, Tony." He says as he hugs his son._

" _I love you too, Dad." Tony responds as he embraces his father, feeling that Howard loves him for the first time in his life._

" _TONY." A terrified, but familiar, voice says._

" _Steve?" Tony asks as he and Howard break apart._

" _It's time. You're going back." Howard tells his son._

" _So, I'm going to live, good to know." Tony comments, "Guess this is goodbye, at least I can actually say it this time." Tony says as even though he is still pretty sure that he is imagining everything he would like to believe that it is real._

" _I'll always be with you, Tony." Howard tells his son, "And… give Steve a chance, let him be a father to you."_

" _I think about it." Tony says as a door just appears and opens, "I guess I walk through that?" he asks._

" _Yeah, you do." Howard says._

" _Okay." Tony says as he walks to the door, just before he gets there he turns around and faces his dad, "Is there anything you'd like me to tell Steve?" he asks, thinking that he should at least give his father the option._

" _Just that I love him, and…. I'm sorry about being wrong about the pocket knife thing." Howard says, "Especially considering who proved me wrong." He adds, to Tony's complete confusion._

" _Is that supposed to make any sense?" Tony asks curious._

" _He'll understand." Howard says, knowing that without a doubt._

" _Okay." Tony says, still confused, "Goodbye Dad." Tony says, saying the words he never got to say before he turns and walks into through the door and back into the world of the living._

* * *

It has been ninety seconds since Tony's heart stopped beating and ever since Doctor Cho has been doing everything she can to get Tony's heart beating again, while the others watch on; Steve being heled back by Natasha and Sam, as Wanda also uses her powers to keep him back.

As he stares at his son, who he hasn't really gotten a chance to know yet, Steve can feel the tears in his eyes as he can't bear to lose her son, not after only just finding out about him. Then, suddenly as Steve stares at his son's face there is a beeping sound.

"Helen?" Steve asks, looking at her, feeling hope.

"His heart's beating again." Helen informs Steve.

"He's okay?" Steve asks, a look of amazement on his face.

"He's alive, I won't know for sure that he is okay until I run more blood tests and until he wakes up." Helen explains to Steve.

"When will he wake up?" Steve asks.

"I don't know, but I'll monitor him closely until he does." Helen explains to Steve.

"Thank you." Steve says, feeling amazed, and as he speaks Sam and Natasha stop holding him back, and Wanda stops using her powers on him, and once they do Steve pulls a chair over and sits next to his son, planning on not moving until Tony is awake.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Everything belongs to their rightful owners.

 **AN1:** Thank you for the support. **PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW.**

* * *

It has been a couple of hours since Doctor Cho managed to get Tony's heart beating again and he is still unconscious. Even though the others have been coming in and out Steve and Rhodey have been sitting next to Tony's bed the entire time, neither wanting to move.

As she knows that they aren't going to leave anytime soon Natasha walks into the room and hands both Steve and Rhodey a cup of coffee,

"Thanks Nat." Rhodey says gratefully.

"Not a problem." Natasha responds, "I'm heading into the city." Natasha informs the pair.

"What for?" Steve asks, not seeing why she would considering what is going on.

"Pepper deserves to know what is going on; They might have broken up but she's still important to Tony, and Tony's still important to her, plus if Tony is unconscious for a while she might need to know why to handle any PR troubles." Natasha explains to Steve and Rhodey.

"You're right, she should know." Rhodey realises.

"I was planning on telling Pepper everything." Natasha reveals, "Do you have any objections to that?" she asks Steve.

"No." Steve answers, not looking away from Tony.

"Okay, I'll be back soon." Natasha says before leaving, giving Steve's shoulder a squeeze as she walks away.

"Wake up, Tony, please wake up." Steve mutters to himself as Rhodey pretends that he can't hear the desperation Steve's voice.

* * *

About an hour after she gave Steve and Rhodey coffee, wondering if it was a smart idea to leave the compound the entire time, Natasha arrives at Stark/Avengers Tower which is where Pepper is and walks out of the elevator and heads straight into her office.

"You busy?" Natasha asks curious as she walks into the office and sits down across from her.

"Would it matter if I was?" Pepper asks curious.

"Not really." Natasha admits.

"What's happened?" Pepper asks, knowing that Natasha wouldn't be in her office unless something happened.

"A couple of big things." Natasha admits, "So the day you broke up with Tony, turned out to be only one of several big things to happen to him that day." She reveals.

"What do you mean?" Pepper asks.

"Steve had a relationship with Howard Stark before he went into the ice and we've all learnt that they both consider each other to be the love of each other's life." Natasha explains, "As you can expect that is a shock, but a bigger one is what happened after Tony collapsed and…." Natasha starts to explain, but then Pepper cuts her off.

"Tony collapsed? Is he okay?" Pepper asks worried.

"He's in a coma." Natasha explains.

"WHAT? Why? What happened?" Pepper asks.

"That's complicated. I can explain on the way to the compound if you'd like." Natasha offers.

"That would be good, thanks." Pepper says and she collects what she needs and once she has everyone she and Natasha leave the office.

* * *

Back at the compound Steve is the only one in the medical area with Tony as Rhodey has gone to the bathroom.

"So, um, I don't know if you can hear me." Steve says to Tony, "I'm hoping you can, I'm also hoping that you will wake up soon." Steve says, "I want to be your father Tony, I really do, but if you're not ready for that then that's okay, I'll wait as long as I have to, just please wake up." Steve begs, not realising that Rhodey has walked back in,

"Tony never wakes up when he's supposed to." Rhodey says, "Take that from someone who had to share a dorm with him at MIT." he comments as he walks over to his seat.

"Was that where you and Tony meet? MIT?" Steve asks curious.

"Yeah, we were assigned as roommates, probably because we were two of the youngest people there, Tony was the youngest." Rhodey explains, "We became friends pretty quickly." He comments.

"And you've been friends ever since." Steve realises.

"Best friends." Rhodey corrects, "Some of the best times in my life have happened thanks to Tony." Rhodey reveals.

"What was Tony like as a teenager?" Steve asks curious.

"A lot like he is now." Rhodey reveals, "Except, more closed off." Rhodey admits, "He'd be the life of the party, and if you were anyone other than his father I'd explain that more, but he wouldn't let anyone get close, he didn't want to get hurt. He does that now without anyone noticing, but back then it was a bit more obvious and more extreme." He admits, "Tony's been hurt a lot, he's been let down a lot, I really hope that your name is going to get added to that list." Rhodey says, there being an undertone of a threat to his voice.

"I really don't intend for it to be." Steve says, hating that Tony has been let down so much.

"Good." Rhodey responds and the two of them drift into silence.

* * *

It has been about twenty minutes since Rhodey and Steve's conversation about Tony and Natasha and Pepper are walking into the medical area at the compound.

"Natasha told me everything, how is he doing?" Pepper asks Steve, it being clear that she is concerned.

"No changes." Steve answers, "He's unconscious, and Helen Cho isn't sure when he'll wake up."

"But he will, right?" Pepper asks as just because she and Tony broke up doesn't mean that she has stopped caring.

"He should." Steve answers, it being clear that he is worried that Tony won't.

"Good, that's good." Pepper says as she pulls a chair over and sits down too, joining Steve and Rhodey in their concerned silence as she does.

After giving Steve, Pepper and Rhodey one last look Natasha heads out of the medical area, knowing that there is nothing she can do to help Steve, Pepper, and Rhodey, that there is nothing anyone can do to help them until Tony wake up, which might be a while.

* * *

About an hour after Pepper came to the compound Steve, Rhodey and Pepper are the only ones in the medical are as Doctor Cho checks on Tony.

"How is he?" Steve asks concerned.

"His DNA is repairing, and it looks like he's stabilising." Doctor Cho informs Steve, Pepper and Rhodey.

"So he'll be okay?" Pepper asks, sounding amazed by that.

"Possibly, but the serum is more active in him now." Helen explains, as before now the traces of the serum that Tony had in him weren't active, it didn't change anything about him, "That's likely going to have a more obvious effect on him." Helen explains, "And some of his recessive inherited traits may start to become more obvious."

"So you're saying that he's going to be more like me?" Steve asks, as he cannot picture that.

"Maybe, but we won't know until he wakes up." Helen explains.

"When will that be?" Rhodey ask curious.

"I don't know." Helen answers, "It could be days or weeks, you've just go to wait." She explains, "I'll be back in an hour to run some more tests." She reveals before leaving.

"That's good news, right?" Pepper asks Rhodey and Steve.

"Probably as good as we're going to get." Steve admits as he reaches out and takes his son's hand, seeing the action both Pepper and Rhodey smile, both of them being glad that Tony, someone who is so important to them, now has what he's never had before, a parent who truly cares and isn't afraid to show it.

* * *

It has been four days since Tony went into a cardiac arrest and he has been unconscious, basically in a coma ever since. Ever since Tony has been in a coma Pepper and Rhodey have been by Tony's side most the time while Steve has only left his son's side when he absolutely had to, Steve's even been sleeping in the chair next to Tony's bed.

It is about five am and Steve is asleep in the chair next to his son's bed, holding his hand, when Tony starts to wake. Due to the fact that he is a light sleeper Steve is woken by the movement.

"Tony?" Steve asks, turning to look at his son, who he is amazed to realises is awake.

"Hey Cap." Tony says, "Is there something wrong with your bed? Because that can't be comfortable." He comments.

"I didn't want to leave until you were awake." Steve admits, causing Tony to feel amazed, not that he would ever admit that, "How are you feeling?" he asks curious.

"Like I'm not dying." Tony answers, "How long was I out for?" he asks curious.

"Four days." Steve answers.

"Huh." Tony response, not sure what to say to that.

"And you did go into cardiac arrest." Steve tells Tony.

"Yeah, I got that." Tony admits and he takes a deep breath, "I saw Dad." He reveals.

"You saw Howard?" Steve asks shocked.

"Yeah." Tony answers, "I mean I'm sure that it was just my brain being deprived of oxygen, but it felt real. He apologised for everything, said things I never heard Dad say." Tony admits, trying not to show how much he wishes it was.

"What makes you so sure that it wasn't real? It could have been." Steve tells Tony.

"I doubt it." Tony comments, "Although he did tell me something to tell you that made no sense." He comments.

"What did he say?" Steve asks curious.

"He said the he loved you, and that he was sorry about being wrong about the pocket knife thing, especially considering who proved him wrong." Tony explains, and as he does Steve does get a pained look, but a look of realisation, "I'm guessing that that makes more sense to you than it does to me." He realises.

"Yeah, it does." Steve confirms, being sure, thanks to those words that it was really Howard that Tony saw.

"So, what does it mean?" Tony asks curious, being pretty sure that he is pushing too much, but he has a deep desire to know.

"When Howard first started to design our gear he told me that Hydra wouldn't attack me with a pocket knife, and then when Nat, Sam and I were fighting on the bridge the day before S.H.I.E.L.D fell I was." Steve explains.

"And the second part?" Tony asks, causing Steve to look even more pained.

"It was Bucky who attacked me with a pocket knife" Steve comments.

"Oh your brainwashed friend." Tony realises.

"Yeah." Steve responds, his voice full of pain, and the two of them drift into silence.

"Why'd you really stay?" Tony asks, breaking the silence again after a minute.

"I didn't want you to be alone when you woke up." Steve admits, "From what I know from Howard's message and the things I've learnt over the last few years I realised that just telling you I am here and that I care won't be enough for you to believe me, I'd have to show you." He explains, "I'm not going anywhere Tony, I want to be here for you. I know that you are an adult, and I also know that adults still need their parents, and I want to be your parent and I'll wait until you're ready to let me." Steve tells him, and for a little while Tony is quiet as he ponders Steve's words.

"I've never been a very good son." Tony admits, after a couple of minutes.

"I've never been a father before. So, I guess we'll figure this out together, if you want." Steve says, thinking that this is the closest Tony has been to seemingly being okay with everything.

"I think I do." Tony says, slightly surprising himself by the words coming out of his mouth, "But not zero to one hundred in one go, I still need time. So, how about we start with talking and I'll stop avoiding."

"I'd like that." Steve says with a grin, feeling amazed, as this is what he really wants, he wants a relationship with his son, "You know I should probably go get Helen, there are probably things that she needs to check." Steve comments.

"Yeah, probably." Tony responds.

"I'll be right back." Steve promises before getting up and leaving.

"You do that." Tony mutters to himself as Steve leaves. As he watches Steve leaves Tony thinks about how he's not completely sure about having an actual father/son relationship with Steve because honestly he hasn't had that before, but at the same time he is prepared to try even though it's going to be hard for him.

* * *

It has been a couple of hours since Tony wake and Doctor Cho has informed him that he is healthy, but cannot leave the medical area yet, though he doesn't have any intention to stay.

"Tony, don't." Steve, who has stayed with Tony for the last couple of hours, says.

"I'm not doing anything." Tony says with an innocent look on his face.

"You're about to." Steve says, "I know that look." Steve says, knowing it because he saw it on Howard's face, he even saw it on his own in the mirror.

"I'm am not staying in bed." Toy says as he throws the blanket off himself, "I'm not dying anymore, I don't need to stay in bed."

"Doctor Cho disagrees." Steve tells Tony, "She said that you need to stay in bed."

"Yeah, I don't listen to doctors." Tony comments, "And can you honestly say that if you were in my position you would? Would Dad have?" he asks, being pretty sure that he knows the answer to both.

"No, neither of us would." Steve admits.

"See, you can't expect me to either." Tony says with a grin, being glad that that worked how he was planning.

"You know Peggy once said that Howard and I were the stubbornest people she's ever met; I cannot be surprised that you are even more stubborn." Steve comments

"That sounds like the kind of thing Aunt Peggy would say." Tony comments with a smirk.

"Aunt Peggy?" Steve asks as he remembers that Howard called her Aunt Peggy in his message, but didn't explain why.

"Peggy's my godmother." Tony explains.

"Oh good." Steve says, being glad about that, and Tony stands up, "That's really not a good idea." Steve says as he does.

"You worry too much; you know that?" Tony asks.

"Yeah, I've heard that before." Steve admits.

"I'm not going to stay in this bed any longer." Tony says, "You can stop me if you want, but I'd rather go to breakfast." He comments.

"Okay, fine, but if it gets too much you're coming back here, no arguments." Steve tells Tony, it being clear that he doesn't think it is the greatest idea.

"Deal." Tony says and he and Steve head out of the medical area, Steve being pretty sure that this is a very bad idea.

* * *

A couple of minutes later Steve and Tony walk into the eating area where Sam, Natasha, Rhodey, Pepper, Wanda, Helen and Vision are.

"Tony! I told you to stay in bed." Doctor Cho says when she sees Tony and Steve walk in.

"I don't do what I'm told, you should know that." Tony comments, "What's for breakfast?" he asks.

"What's for breakfast? Tony you were in a coma!" Pepper says, sounding shocked.

"Pepper." Tony says amazed, "You're here?" he asks, sounding surprised.

"Of course I am." Pepper says, "As soon as Natasha told me that you were in a coma I knew I couldn't stay at the tower."

"I'm glad." Tony says with a half-smile, "Can we talk after breakfast?" he asks curious.

"Of course." Pepper answers as Steve and Tony sit down at the table.

Together the group just spends the next ten or so minutes enjoying their food.

"Tony are you feeling okay?" Rhodey asks his friend.

"I know I was just in a coma but there is no reason to ask, I feel great." Tony says, "You can stop asking."

"I know, but that's not why I was asking." Rhodey comments, "I don't think I've seen you eat that much, except…"

"Let's not go there." Tony comments, knowing exactly what Rhodey is about to say, "But you're right I have eaten more than normal, and I'm still hungry." He says, looking thoughtful for a minute, "Increased metabolism, is one of the things the serum causes, that's probably why."

"It would make sense." Helen admits.

"Does that mean you're going to get Steve's other abilities?" Clint asks curious.

"Probably not to the same degree, but I could have some of them." Tony admits.

"Maybe you should figure out which ones." Natasha suggests.

"I could, but I'm going to figure it out as I go along instead." Tony comments.

"Are you ready to talk now?" Pepper asks Tony curious.

"Sure." Tony respond sand the two of them get up and head out of the room.

* * *

A couple of minutes after they left the others Tony and Pepper walk into the one of the empty common area, as soon as the door is closed, no that it will do much if the others want to eavesdrop, Pepper hugs Tony.

"I'm so glad you're okay." Pepper informs him.

"I'm glad about that to." Tony admits as they break apart, "And I'm glad you're here."

"Natasha told me everything that you found out. How are you?" Pepper asks concerned.

"I'm still working on that." Tony admits as he sits down on one of the tables, "I don't think strange describes how all this feels." He admits, "Steve wants to be a parent to me." He tells Pepper.

"How do you feel about that?" Pepper asks curious.

"I said I'd give it a try, if we go slowly, but I don't know if it's a good idea" Tony admits, trying to hide what he is really thinking, forgetting that Pepper knows him so well.

"You're afraid." Pepper realises as she walks over and sits next to Tony, "Your whole life you've been let down by father figures, they've just hurt you, or with Edwin Jarvis you've were heartbroken when he died. You made armour for yourself long before you built those suits, and you use it to keep most people out, so that you don't get hurt again. You use it to project an image you want people to believe." Pepper says, causing Tony to curse how well Pepper knows him, "You let Rhodey see beneath your armour and you let me, but we weren't the only ones who were sitting by your bedside for the past four days, Steve was too, he only left when he had to, and he desperately wanted you to wake up." She says, "He cares, Tony, he wants to be a father to you and I know that's not easy for you to accept, but you should try." She says as she reaches over and takes Tony's hand, "The man I've seen the last four days sitting by your bed wants to be there for you, he wants to be your Dad, let him Tony. Show him the real you and let him be a father to you, I know you want that, even though it terrifies you." Pepper tells him.

"Why would he even want to be a father to me?" Tony asks, asking Pepper the question that he has been wondering since he learnt the truth.

"Because he is your father, and he's missed most of your life; he doesn't want to miss anymore." Pepper explains to Tony, "This could be a very good thing for you, Tony. Don't close yourself off from it because you're afraid of getting hurt." Pepper tells him.

"I've miss you." Tony says, telling the completely truth.

"I miss you too, but we won't work Tony, not now." Pepper tells him.

"I know; doesn't mean I don't miss having you in my life." Tony informs Pepper.

"I'll always be in your life, Tony, we'll always be friends, we just won't be together." Pepper tells him.

"I know." Tony says and they drift into silence.

"I should go." Pepper tells Tony after a few minutes, "I've got work to do."

"I know."

"Bye Tony." Pepper says, giving Tony a kiss on his cheek before she stands up, "Just give him a chance Tony, give yourself a chance." She says before walking out of the room, leaving Tony alone.

* * *

It has been a couple of hours since Pepper left and ever since Tony has been in the garage taking apart cars that really don't need to be taken apart.

"Why are you hiding again?" Rhodey asks, walking into the garage.

"I'm not hiding." Tony says, sounding insulted.

"You kind of are." Rhodey tells his friend, "Look, I know better than anyone how much Howard hurt you, I saw it firsthand, but Steve's not Howard." Rhodey tells his friend.

"I know that." Tony snaps, "It's just…" Tony starts to say before trailing off.

"Doesn't change the harm Howard caused you." Rhodey realises and Tony nods, "Just give this a chance Tony, because I don't think Steve would ever let you down the way Howard did, and if he does I'll kick his ass super soldier or not." Rhodey says, causing Tony to laugh.

"Want to give me a hand with this?" Tony asks curious as even though he really doesn't need help he would like to work on a car with his best friend.

"Sure." Rhodey says, knowing what Tony is doing and together the two of them work on the car, that honestly doesn't even need anything done to it.

* * *

It has been a few hours since Rhodey and Tony started to work together on the cars and after cleaning himself up Tony has gone in search of Steve, wanting to say a few things before he loses his nerve. After a little bit of searching Tony finds Steve in his office reading Howard's journal once more.

"I never had a friend before Rhodey." Tony says and as soon as he hears Tony's voice Steve looks up.

"Tony…." Steve starts to say.

"I mean yeah, there were people at boarding school, but they were only interested in my mind, or my money, just like most people since then. Rhodey was the first person who was interested in me for me." Tony says as he walks over, "After Mom died, after Edwin Jarvis died, there have only been two people who truly care, who I've been able to count on and that's Rhodey and Pepper." Tony reveals, and as he realises how big this must be for Tony Steve is quiet, "So when you say you care, my instinct is to assume it's some kind of trick, because in my experience that's what it usually is." Tony reveals, "I'm going against all my instincts here, Steve, I want to believe you care, I want to have a relationship with you, but I apologise in advance if I'm no good at it."

"You don't have to apologise for anything." Steve assures Tony as he stands up, "I know that Howard hurt you in the past and I hate that more I can say, so I know that it's going to take you time to trust me, and I also want you to know that I am not going anywhere, and I will do everything I can to get you to see that." Steve says, hearing that Tony just nods,

"Guys, dinner is ready." A voice says and Tony and Steve turn to see Natasha, "And seriously if you want to have these kind of conversations, close the door." She tells them before leaving.

"Like it would stop you." Tony calls after Natasha, "Dinner?" he asks Steve.

"Yeah, I'll meet you there." Steve responds.

"Okay, see you there." Tony says before he turns and leaves.

After Tony leaves the room Steve puts the journal in the desk draws and locks it for safe keeping. Once the journal is locked into place Steve pulls his picture of Howard out his pocket.

"Damn it Howard, I love you so much, but you hurt our son so much, how could you?" Steve asks the picture, pain in his voice, "I want to try to fix the damage you caused him, but I don't know if it will be enough, I hope it is because he's an incredible person. I wish you were here." He comments, "I wish we got to do this together, things would have been so different." Steve says and then with one last look at the picture Steve puts the photo back in his pocket and heads out of the room, planning on doing whatever he can to show Tony that he isn't going to let him down. He's going to do everything he can to make up for the all the pain that the man he loves caused their son.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Everything belongs to their rightful owners.

 **AN1:** Thank you for the support. **PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW.**

* * *

It has been three days since Tony woke from his coma and ever since then Tony isn't avoiding Steve, but at the same time he isn't actively seeking him out either, Steve on the other hand has been and because of that Tony and Steve have actually spent some time together.

It's about seven am and Steve and Steve are just returning to the compound after their run.

"I need to talk to you." Natasha says to Steve, as she was waiting at the gate Steve and Sam come back in after their run.

"I'll see you inside." Sam says before he heads inside, having no idea what Natasha is going to talk to Steve about, but not wanting anything to do with it.

"Has something happened with Tony?" Steve asks concerned.

"No, but something to do with is what I have to talk to you about." Natasha reveals.

"Okay." Steve says, wondering what Natasha could want to talk to him about.

"You need to tell Tony what really happened to Howard and Maria, and you have to tell him soon." Natasha explains to Steve, "He deserves the truth."

"What…" Steve starts to say but then the realisation comes to him, "Hydra made the Winter Solider kill Howard and Maria the Winter Solider is Bucky, Bucky killed Howard." Steve says, a look of horror appearing on his face, "Oh god." He says as even though he knows that it wasn't Bucky's fault it doesn't change the fact that his best friend was used to kill the love of his life, "I can't tell him." Steve says to Natasha.

"You have to." Natasha responds, "It is taking Tony going against every single one of his instincts, it is taking him facing the things that terrify him the most just to give you being a father to him a chance." Natasha reveals, "You cannot keep this from him." she says as she would tell him herself but she is pretty sure that this is the kind of thing that needs to come from Steve.

"If I tell him he'll just get hurt, I can't do that." Steve says as he just wants to protect Tony from even more pain.

"It will hurt him so much more if he were to ever find out you kept this from him; which he probably will because he's Tony." Natasha tells Steve, "And when he does you will not only lose his trust but you will never get it back." Natasha tells Steve, stressing the never.

"How can you be so sure?" Steve asks.

"Because I know Tony." Natasha responds, "A few years back I spent a two months undercover as his assistant and at the time he was in a bad place. I learnt things he probably hasn't even realised I know, and it took him a long time to forgive me, and yet I still see the doubt in his eyes every time he looks at me." Natasha reveals, "If you tell him now he's going to hurt, there is no denying that, but I can see him eventually forgiving you, but if you wait, he finds out that you, his father, knew what happened to his other two parents and never told him, he won't forgive you and he will hurt so much more." Natasha tells Steve, "Tell him, Steve."

"Okay." Steve says with a nod.

* * *

It has been about half an hour since Steve's conversation with Natasha and ever since then Steve has been trying to figure out how to tell Tony what really happened to Howard and Maria.

After sitting in his office planning what he is going to say for a while Steve gets up and heads to the lab, knowing that if he keeps trying to plan what he is going to say to Tony then he is never going to tell him and Natasha is right, Tony needs to know.

When he walks into the lab Steve finds Tony working on something.

"Tony." Steve says.

"Hey, did you want something?" Tony asks curious, looking up from what he is doing.

"Yeah, um, there's something I need to tell you." Steve informs his son.

"Okay, that sounds serious." Tony admits, not sure if he can handle any more serious news "I'm all ears." He comments.

"The day before S.H.I.E.L.D fell when Natasha and I talked to Zola in his AI form he told us about all of the things that Hydra arrange, including everything they forced Bucky do to while he was the Winter Soldier while he was brainwashed." Steve explains.

"Okay, why are you telling me this?" Tony asks confused.

"It wasn't until after getting this information that I found out that Bucky was the Winter Soldier and it wasn't until this morning when Natasha reminded me that I put the pieces together." Steve explains.

"Okay, I'm still going to need more. I don't understand why you are telling me this." Tony admits, wondering what the hell he is missing.

"One of the things that Zola told us Hydra arranged happened on December 16th 1991." Steve informs Tony.

"No." Tony says horrified, realising where Steve is going with this.

"Hydra brainwashed Bucky and made him kill Howard and Maria." Steve reveals, "Tony?" Steve ask concerned as after about a minute Tony looks frozen, he doesn't say anything.

"A year." Tony manages to say.

"What?" Steve asks confused.

"You waited a year to tell me this." Tony says looking both angry and hurt.

"I….." Steve starts to say.

"NO." Tony yells angrily as he jumps down from the chair he is sitting on, "Your friend killed my parents and you waited a year to tell me, that's not okay!" Tony says angrily, "Would you have even told me today if it wasn't for Natasha?"

"I don't know." Steve admits, "But I am sorry Tony."

"I don't care." Tony says angrily as he walks across the room.

"Tony." Steve says reaching out and taking Tony's arm, "Let's talk about this."

"I don't want to talk about it." Tony says angrily, "She was my Mom, the only real parent I had, and you knew she was murdered and didn't tell me! I don't want to talk to you."

"Tony…." Steve once more says.

"Leave me the hell alone." Tony says angrily before he pushes Steve away and walks away, leaving Steve to watch his son go with a look of pain on his face.

* * *

After he leaves the lab Tony can feel tears coming to his eyes but he forces them not to fall down his face. As he makes his way through the facility Tony doesn't even know where he is going or what he is going to do.

"Tony?" A concerned voice asks but Tony just keeps walking, "TONY." The voice calls again but Tony just keeps walking.

"TONY." Rhodey says, managing to get in front of Tony and block his path, "What's going on? What happened?" Rhodey asks concerned.

"I need to get out of here." Tony says, the only thing he knows is that he can't stay at the compound any longer.

"Why? What's going on?" Rhodey asks worried.

"Ask my dear old dad." Tony says, his voice full of resentment as he sides steps his friend and walks way, planning on getting to one of his cars and speeding away as fast as possible.

"Damn it Cap, what the hell did you do?" Rhodey asks himself a he watches his best friend go, knowing, even though Tony is trying to hide it that he is in pain, and after watching Tony go Rhodey turns around to go in search of Steve so that he can make him pay for hurting his best friend.

* * *

About a minute after he talked to Tony Rhodey storms into Steve's office

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?" Rhodey asks angrily as he finds Steve sitting at his desk, looking upset.

"Rhodey, I can explain." Steve says, not surprised that Rhodey is angry.

"You better." Rhodey says angrily, "Tony just left this place looking like a zombie and when I asked him what happened he said to ask his dear old Dad, so I'm asking, what the hell did you do?" Rhodey asks.

"Before S.H.I.E.L.D fell Natasha and I found out the things that Hydra forced Bucky, as the winter solider, to do." Steve reveals, "One of those things was kill Howard and Maria." Steve explains pain in his voice, "Natasha reminded me this morning and pointed out that If I wanted to have real relationship with Tony then I have to tell him the truth, so I did." Steve explains.

"You should have told him the truth a year ago." Rhodey says, anger in his voice, "Even before you knew he was your son Tony was your friend, your teammate and as far as you knew the son of the love of your life, he deserved the truth from you." He tells Steve, "Are you the one who is always telling everyone that you should be honest?"

"Do you think he's okay? Do you think he'll ever forgive me?" Steve asks worried.

"I don't know." Rhodey admits, "I don't even know where's he's gone." He admits, "You hurt him, Cap and that's not okay." Rhodey says before leaving.

"I'm sorry Tony, I'm so sorry." Steve mutters to himself after Rhodey leaves. After all the ways that Howard hurt Tony Steve promised himself that he wouldn't hurt Tony in anyway, and now he has. Even with how much Steve has hurt Tony and how much he wishes he could take his son's pain away Steve knows that the only thing he should have done differently was tell Tony sooner as Natasha was right; the longer he waited the more Tony would have been hurt.

* * *

It has been a couple of hours since Tony left the compound and as he didn't want to be found Tony has disabled anything that can be tracked and has gone to one of his father's old proprieties which he is pretty sure that no one living knows about so he is pretty sure that no one will think to look for him there.

As he sits on the floor in the living area of the apartment Tony realises that he has drunk almost two bottles of scotch and feels completely fine.

"Of course, because of all the things I could have inherited from him after this the ability not to get drunk had to be one of them." Tony says bitterly as he knew that there were going to be side effects from the serum in him become active instead of neutralized but he didn't think about the possibility of losing his ability to get drunk, "I guess I'll just have to try harder." He comments as even though he knows the science, knows that he's not going to be able to get drunk he's going to try.

* * *

It has been a few hours since Tony left the compound and ever since Rhodey has been trying to find where his best friend is.

"I can't find him." Rhodey says angrily as he walks into the room where Steve, Sam, Natasha, Clint and Wanda are.

"Tony?" Wanda asks.

"What do you mean you can't find him?" Steve asks worried.

"I mean he hasn't gone back to the Tower; Pepper hasn't heard from him. He's not at the mansion, he's not at the penthouse he goes to when he needs space, and there is no sign of him anywhere, and anything that can be tracked has been disabled." Rhodey explains.

"Tony's missing?" Steve asks worried.

"No, you caused him to run away." Rhodey says angrily, "Damn it Steve! Tony drinks to deal, he throws himself into his work, he doesn't run!" He says, sounding furious, "You made him run! He could be anywhere and it's not like he even needs a passport to leave the country and even if he did he has at least three fake identities, and those are the only the ones I know about." Rhodey explains, "If something happens to him while he's gone, if he's not okay I will never forgive you." Rhodey says before leaving the room in anger.

"Wow, I never knew Rhodey had that in him." Clint says, sounding slightly surprised.

"Are you okay, Steve?" Wanda asks curious.

"No, and I shouldn't be." Steve says before he gets up and leaves he room too.

"Great, things are going to be so much fun around here." Sam says sarcastically.

"Because things are always a barrel of laughs around here." Clint says.

"Should we do something?" Wanda asks.

"Let me." Natasha says standing up, "You three stay here and don't do anything to make things worse." Natasha says before leaving, planning her plan of attack.

* * *

Deciding to go with the man who is feeling less self-pity Natasha heads to the gym where she finds Rhodey beating the crap out of a punching bag.

"Steve didn't mean to hurt him." Natasha says from the door.

"It doesn't matter if he was trying to or not, Tony is hurt." Rhodey says to Natasha, "He should have told him what really happened a year ago, you should have told him a year ago."

"If I had told Tony a year ago, if Steve would have told him a year ago, then Tony just would have been hurt, I didn't want that." Natasha admits.

"Then why did you get Steve to tell Tony now?" Rhodey asks, not seeing why Natasha would get Steve to tell Tony now when she was trying to save Tony from pain.

"The same reason." Natasha explains, "If Steve didn't tell Tony now then Tony probably would have just found out in the future and he would be hurt so much more and their relationship, something which is good for both of them, would be ruined forever." Natasha explains, "Telling him now mean that there is still a chance for Tony to let Steve be a father to him."

"Huh, you're right." Rhodey realises, "You really do care, don't you?"

"Wow Rhodes, you sound surprised by that." Natasha comments, hiding the hurt in her voice.

"I'm not, not really, sorry." Rhodey answers, "I was a bit harsh on Steve, wasn't I?"

"A little, but I think Steve respects how protective you are of your best friend." Natasha admits.

"I'm worried, Natasha. You know better than most the way Tony can get sometimes, what if he's self-destructing?" Rhodey asks, it being more than clear how worried he is.

"Then we'll help him." Natasha comments, "But for the record I don't think he's in self destructive mode, I think he is in need some space to figure things out mode." Natasha explains to Rhodey.

"I hope you're right." Rhodey comments, as all he wants is for his best friend to be okay.

"I usually am." Natasha says before leaving the gym, "One down, one to go." Natasha mutters to herself as she goes.

* * *

After leaving the gym where Rhodey is Natasha makes her way to Steve's office. When Natasha gets to the office she finds Steve staring at his screen, seemingly oblivious to everything so, not being able to help her curiosity Natasha walks across the room so that she can see what he is looking at. Looking on the screen Natasha notices that Steve is looking at what seems to be a magazine cover with Tony and Howard on the front.

"That won't help." Natasha comments.

"Natasha." Steve says, jumping in shock, "Why'd you tell me to tell him?"

"Because as hurt as he is now, as betrayed as he is feeling, this is nothing compared to how hurt or how betrayed he would be if you waited even longer to tell him." Natasha explains to Steve, "Is Tony hurt right now, yes. Is he feeling betrayed, yes. But, are things between the two of you broken forever, no." Natasha says, "Tony just needs time, he needs a chance to think about everything that happened."

"Rhodey can't find him, what if he never comes back? What if he's never going to come home?" Steve asks, sounding worried.

"He will eventually, Tony always comes home." Natasha explains to Steve.

"I want to apologise to him." Steve explains, "I want to make things right with him, I need to make things right with my son." Steve says, pain in his voice.

"And you will, but right now Tony won't listen to you." Natasha reveals, "He's angry and hurt and he won't listen to reason." She explains, "Just give him some time Steve, just give him some space."

"I just want to make sure he's okay." Steve admits, his voice full of pain.

Hearing that Natasha reaches over and squeezes Steve's shoulder,

"If Tony really wasn't okay then you'd know, believe me." Natasha comments, "Just give him some time, Steve it's the only thing you can do." Natasha says before leaving.

"I just want him to be okay." Steve mutters to himself as Natasha goes. As she does Steve decides to give something a try and so he picks up his phone, and dials Tony's number.

When Steve gets Tony's voicemail he isn't at all surprised as that is what he was expecting.

"Tony, it's Steve. I know you don't want to talk to me right now, and understand, but I just want you to know that I am sorry. I'm sorry that I hurt you by keeping this from you, and I want to make it up to you. So, please, Tony, let me. If you let me be your father again I promise that I will do everything I can to make sure I don't hurt, you again. Please Tony, give me another chance, I'm sorry." Steve says before hanging up.

* * *

Far away from the compound Tony is sitting and listening to the message Steve has left him,

"I'm sorry, Steve, but I don't know if I can do that yet." Tony mutters to himself before throwing his phone to the nearby couch.

After he throws his phone Tony looks around the room and realises that he has drunk about three expensive bottles of alcohol and feels completely fine.

"Stupid cellular regeneration." Tony mutters to himself as he stands up and decides to go for a walk.

Walking around the apartment, Tony internally makes a list of everything that needs fixing or replacing as a way to distract himself. As he walks Tony forces himself not to think about anything other than what he has to fix so that he doesn't think about everything else that is going in on his head because he is too sober to try and deal with everything.

As he walks into the library Tony notices a picture frame of the coffee table, the first picture that Tony has noticed and because of that Tony can't help but look at it, so he picks up the picture.

Looking down at the picture Tony finds his father, Steve, Peggy and Bucky Barnes looking back at him, clearly it was the middle of the war as Steve, Peggy and Bucky are in uniform. At first glance there is nothing odd about the picture but as he looks closer Tony realises that Howard and Steve are standing just a little too close and Peggy and Bucky look like they are trying to hide their amusement at something.

After staring at the picture for a couple of minutes Tony picks it up and opens the frame, taking the picture out. Once he has the picture out of the frame Tony folds it in half and puts it in his pocket before he continues on his search for anything broken.

* * *

It has been two days since Tony left the compound and ever since he left no one has heard from him and it is only causing everyone's worry to increase. Steve and Rhodey are the most worried and both of them have started to use unconventional ways to try and find him, but neither of them have had any luck, something which isn't overly surprised as due to the fact that he has spent his life in the spotlight Tony knows how to hide when he wants to.

It is about lunchtime and Natasha is going in search of her partner as she has a plan and she needs her Clint's help to do that. Walking into one of the gyms Natasha finds Clint firing arrows at a target.

"Barton." Natasha calls from the door.

"Hey Nat, what's up?" Clint asks as he turns and fires an arrow at the target hitting it in the dead centre without even looking.

"I need you to cover for me for a couple of hours." Natasha explains.

"Is this a no questions asked type of thing or can I know what you're doing?" Clint asks curious as he will cover either way, but it would be good to know.

"I'm bringing Tony home." Natasha explains.

"You know where Tony is? What am I saying, of course you know where he is." Clint says, realising that he should have known, "Want to explain why you've waited two days to go get him?" he asks curious.

"He needed some time, he needed some space." Natasha explains, "If he was here Rhodey wouldn't give him that, and Steve definitely wouldn't." she explains, "But now it's time he came back."

"And you don't want Steve or Rhodey to know until you've got him to come back." Clint realises.

"Exactly." Natasha responds, "So can you cover for me for a couple of hours?" she asks curious.

"Sure." Clint answers without hesitation, "Good luck."

"I don't need it, but thanks." Natasha says before leaving the gym. After Natasha leave the gym she collects a couple of things that she is going to need before she leaves the compound. Even though Natasha meant what she said to Clint and doesn't believe that she needs luck she is concerned about the state that she is going to find Tony in as she knows that, chances are he won't be in too good of a state, and even still Natasha knows that she will do whatever she has to to get through to him and bring him back to the compound, she will bring Tony home.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Everything belongs to their rightful owners.

 **AN1:** Thank you for the support. **PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW.**

* * *

Forty-five minutes after she left the compound Natasha arrives at the apartment where she knows Tony is.

Letting herself into the into the apartment Natasha follows the corridors until she gets to a lounge room where she finds Tony sitting on the ground putting what looks to be a radio back together with more than a few empty bottles of alcohol sitting around him.

"That looks healthy." Natasha comments, sarcasm clear in her voice.

"There's no need to worry, thanks to the serum in me I can't get drunk anymore." Tony explains to Natasha.

"And yet you still tried." Natasha comments, and Tony ignores her.

"How'd you find me?" Tony asks curious.

"Howard brought this place, though shell companies and aliases in 1945 and Peggy Carter or more specifically an allies of Peggy Carter, once lived in it, and ownership transferred to you after Howard and Maria died." Natasha explains, "No one knows I'm here." Natasha says as she sits down next to Tony, needing to move a very expensive, half fall, bottle of wine to do so, "No one knows I where you are."

"You mean Steve doesn't." Tony corrects.

"That's exactly what I mean." Natasha comments, "You're doing better than I was expecting." She comments, "I honestly expected that you would be going after Barnes."

"I was going to." Tony admits, "I spent most of the drive here planning what I would do, but then I remembered what I did after Wanda showed me that vision that terrified me, I remembered what Loki made Clint do and I realised I can't blame him, it wasn't his fault" Tony admits, it being clear that it is hard for him to do so, "Hydra on the other hand is fair game." He comments.

"They always are." Natasha comment.

"If no one knows that you're here why are you?" Tony asks curious.

"I'm here to help you, Tony." Natasha reveals.

"Help? You know what would have helped me, if you told me the truth a year ago." Tony tells Natasha, anger in his voice.

"You would have just been hurt then, it would do nothing other than cause you pain." Natasha explains, "I got Steve to tell you now because I know you two are building something, and I know, even though you try to hide it, that you want Steve to be a father to you and I knew that if he kept this a secret and then you found out later it would destroy what you are building; which would hurt you so much more." Natasha explains.

"You were watching out for me." Tony realises, feeling amazed by that, and Natasha nods.

"There's something you should see." Natasha says as she opens the bag she has and pulls out a portable projector and Howard's message.

"Dad's message? I already watched that." Tony comments.

"You didn't see the whole thing, and you should." Natasha comments.

"Okay." Tony says and Natasha sets it up.

Once Natasha has set it up she looks at Tony, who gives her the smallest off nods, and once she sees that Natasha plays the film.

For the next few minutes Tony and Natasha sit in silence as they watch Howard's message in its entirety. As the watch Natasha watches Tony out of the corner of her eyes she notices tears well in his so she reaches over and takes his hand. As Natasha does Tony gives her a look of gratitude and they come to an unspoken agreement that neither of them will ever mention the action.

"Why did you show me this?" Tony asks, once the video in its entirety has finished, "Apart from learning way more than I wanted to know about Steve and Dad's sex life what was the point?" Tony asks Natasha curious.

"Howard wasn't a good father, there's no denying that." Natasha comments, "But you just saw for yourself that he feels guilty for his actions and he wanted to do better, but this was a week before he died and he never got the chance. You never got the chance to have a real, good relationship with your Dad, do you want the same thing to happen again?" She asks, "Steve didn't want to hurt you Tony, he feels bad for that, he feels so guilty and he feels guilty for what Howard did to you too." Natasha reveals, "I know you're hurt and I know that you want to shut Steve out, not give him another chance, you want to keep him at arm's length so that he can't hurt you, but I also know that you'll regret it if you do that." Natasha says as Tony avoids looking at her, "You've lost one father, and you're relationship was less than ideal, do you want to give up on your other father before you've really given him a chance?"

"I don't know." Tony admits.

"I know you Tony. I know that you hide behind your cocky mask, behind the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist persona you've created to keep yourself from getting hurt, or to hide when you are hurting, but I also know that that's not who you really are." Natasha tells Tony, "The real you is caring, and protective and you do your best to do the right thing, to make up for your mistakes even if you don't go about that in the best way, and that's the side of you that I know the serum is going to amplifying, because that's who you really are, and that is the side of you that you should listen to now." Natasha says, "As hard as it is put aside your fear Tony, put aside your hurt and just listen to what you truly want for a minute." Natasha tells her, "If you forget about everything you're feeling and your fear, what do you want? Do you want to forgive Steve? Do you want to let him be a father to you?" Natasha explains, "Don't think, just answer."

"Yeah, I do." Tony answers.

"Then let's go home." Natasha tells Tony before standing up, once she is standing up she sticks out her hand for Tony to grab, which he does and Natasha pulls Tony up so she is standing too. Once he is standing Tony gives her a smile and nod and then Natasha starts to walk but then she stops after a few steps when she realises that Tony hasn't followed.

"Tony?" Natasha asks, turning back around and facing him.

"How long after I left did you figure out where I went?" Tony asks Natasha curious.

"About twenty minutes." Natasha says and honestly that doesn't really surprise Tony.

"Why didn't you come sooner?" Tony asks curious.

"Because you needed time, and space, but you also needed someone to eventually come after you." Natasha explains, "So, I did." She explains.

Feeling amazed by his friend Tony walks the few steps that separate them and hugs Natasha. Even though she is surprised by the action Natasha leads into the hug.

"Thank you." Tony says, placing a gentle kiss on Natasha's cheek.

"Don't mention it." Natasha says with a real smile as they break apart, "You ready?"

"Yeah, let's go home." Tony responds and the two of them leave.

* * *

Forty-five minutes later, having raced in a way that wouldn't put anyone else in danger, Tony and Natasha have arrived back at The Compound and are getting out of their cars.

"I won." Tony informs Natasha as he gets out of his car.

"You keep telling yourself that." Natasha says with a smirk.

"I so did." Tony responds and the two of them exchange smirks as Natasha shakes her head, "Do you want a rematch Romanoff? Because I'm up for that." Tony comments.

"Maybe later." Natasha says, giving Tony a look.

"Where is he?" Tony asks, realising what the look means.

"His office. He's practically shut himself in their since you left." Natasha explains.

"Right, okay." Tony says, sounding uncertain.

"You can do this, Tony, just go talk to him." Natasha says as she places a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, I guess I can." Tony says before taking a deep breath, "Thanks Nat." Tony says before he heads inside. As Natasha watches Tony go she hopes, for both Steve and Tony's sake that things go well.

* * *

A couple of minutes later Tony arrives at Steve's office and even though he probably should Tony doesn't bother knocking he just walks straight in. As he walks in Tony realises that it probably wouldn't have bothered if he had knocked a Steve is staring at the screen seemingly oblivious to the world.

Wondering what could have Steve interested Tony walks over and as he looks over Steve's shoulder Tony sees that Steve is staring at a picture of him and Howard from just after Tony got into MIT when a magazine wanted to do an interview about the father-son genius.

"I always hated that picture." Tony says, not being able to help it.

"Tony." Steve says, turning around and looking amazed, "You're back." He says, his voice full of joy.

"Yeah, I am." Tony answers then before he can react Steve has stood up and is hugging him.

"I'm sorry, Tony, I'm so sorry for hurting you." Steve says as he hugs his son, feeling thrilled that he is home.

"It's okay." Tony responds as he awkwardly returns the hug.

"Really?" Steve asks as they break apart, as he wasn't expecting that.

"You hurt me, Steve, I won't deny that." Tony admits, "But thanks to Nat I understand." He reveals.

"Nat?" Steve asks confused, "What did she do?"

"She came and found me, we talked, she helped me understand a few things." Tony reveals, "The biggest of which is that I can't be so afraid of being hurt, or letting people see that I am hurt, that I don't admit what I truly want." Tony admits, "I want you to be my Dad, Steve, probably more than I've ever wanted anything."

"I want that too." Steve admits, "And I promise Tony that I won't keep anything else a secret, and I will do my best not to hurt you again, and to make up all times you were hurt by Howard, partly because I wasn't there." Steve tells Tony.

"That would be nice." Tony admits, "But everything Dad did isn't on you."

"At least some of it is." Steve admits, "Howard singed every one of his journal entries with 'come home to us.' And if I had come home sooner, if I had been found sooner, then I would have been able to see how much he was struggling and maybe I could have helped him, gotten him help, before he hurt you as much as he did." Steve explains, knowing that he will never forgive himself for not coming home sooner when he could have helped the two people in the world he loves the most.

"Let me get this straight you're blaming yourself for not being able to come home sooner when you were frozen in the ice unable to move?" Tony asks surprised and Steve nods.

"Wow." Tony says with an amused laugh, "You just blame yourself for everything, don't you? Even things out of your control."

"Yeah, I do." Steve comments and the two of them drift into silence, "So, why do you hate the picture?" he asks curious.

"I was asleep five minutes before it was taken, not to mention hung over." Tony comments, "The night before I had stolen one of Dad's bottles of scotch, which he was pissed about, and I was sleeping it off, not knowing that Dad had arranged an interview." He explains, "I might be smiling in the picture, but I just wanted to go back to bed; it's just so fake. I hate it." Tony admits.

"How old were you?" Steve asks curious.

"Fourteen or fifteen, I don't even remember which." Tony admits.

"Was that the first time you had taken alcohol from Howard?" Steve asks, not entirely sure if he wants the answer.

"God no." Tony answers, "By most definitions I was probably an alcoholic by twenty." Tony admits, "But that's not going to be a problem anymore. Thanks to the serum in me I can't get drunk anymore." He reveals.

"You tested that?" Steve asks, as that's what it seems like to him.

"Yeah, I made it through about half of the wine collection that Dad and Aunt Peggy had." Tony admits, "Which reminds me, I have something that you might like." Tony says reaching into his pocket and pulling out the photo and hands it to Steve.

Being confused about what he is going to see Steve opens the folded photo and when he sees Howard, Peggy, Bucky and his younger self looking back at him Steve can't help but smile.

"When was that photo taken?" Tony asks curious.

"1944. Howard and I had been together for a few months." Steve explains.

"What are Aunt Peggy and Bucky looking amused about?" Tony asks, really wanting to know.

"Howard and I were almost caught by Philips, they were amused by the excuse Howard come up with." Steve explains.

"What was it?"

"That he was inspecting my calf muscle to see if my muscle mass was increasing." Steve explains, wondering whether he should really be telling his son this.

"Okay that's disturbing." Tony comments as he realises the position his Dads must have been in, not realising that he internally referend to both Steve and Howard as his Dads without doing it in a hostile way.

"Sorry." Steve says, "If you'd like I can tell you some other stories, ones that aren't disturbing." He comments.

"I'd like that." Tony says and as he does he realises that he should met Steve half way, "I could tell you some stories too if you'd like."

"I would." Steve says and he and Tony sit down side by side on the couch that is in Steve's office and they start to tell one another stories in a way to get to know each other better.

* * *

A few hours later Steve and Tony having spent all of them really talkin3g, the father and son walk into the dining area where Natasha, Clint, Rhodey, Wanda and Sam are.

"Tony, you're back." Rhodey says, seeing his friend.

"Did you miss me?" Tony asks with a smirk.

"Yeah, I did." Rhodey says as Tony and Steve sit down.

"So, are you back for good?" Clint asks curious.

"Yeah, I'm home." Tony answers, causing Steve to smile.

"Good." Rhodey says.

"Are things okay now?" Wanda asks curious.

"Yeah, they are." Tony confirms as everyone starts to eat.

For the next twenty minutes Tony, Steve, Natasha, Clint, Rhodey, Wanda and Sam all sit around the table and enjoy dinner as well as each other's company.

"You know we should have a movie night." Tony suggests as he realises that everyone is starting to finish eating.

"What like we started to do after S.H.I.E.L.D?" Clint asks.

"Exactly like that." Tony answers, "It was a tradition, we should get back to that." He comments, "We always had fun on our movie nights."

"The movie had little to do with the fun we used to have." Steve comments.

"Exactly." Tony says, "Wanda and Sam have never experienced it, and I'm sure even Vision will join." Tony says, "It's a good idea. Who's with me?"

"I am." Natasha says, not even needing to think about.

"Same." Clint adds, honestly being a little surprised that Natasha was the first to agree as she usually likes to pretend that she doesn't like them, but he's not going to mention that.

"Me too." Steve says and Sam, Wanda and Rhodey nod in agreement.

"Great." Tony says with a grin and the group go back to eating.

* * *

Twenty minutes later everyone has finished eating and while Sam, Steve, Wanda and Rhodey are getting one of the common areas ready to watch the movie while Tony, Clint and Natasha are getting the snacks ready.

"Thing anyone will notice if I put the skittles and M&M's in the same container?" Clint asks curious.

"Yes." Natasha and Tony say together, "Because it's evil." Natasha comments.

"But you should do it." Tony says.

"Yep." Natasha confirms.

"Doing it." Clint says, "Are you bringing out the good cake?" he asks Tony curious.

"I think I have to." Tony answers, "I'll get it out of the hiding place once you two leave." He comments.

"No need, I've already gotten it." Natasha comments.

"Of course you have." Tony says, not even surprised.

"Is the popcorn ready yet?" Natasha asks Clint.

"You tell me." Clint says as he throws popcorn directly into both Natasha's and Tony's mouths.

"It's ready." Tony says as he sticks his tongue out as it is slightly burned.

"It's good." Natasha comments.

"It's hot." Tony says as he uses his hand as a fan.

"It's popcorn." Natasha and Clint say together as Tony opens the fridge.

"Okay, I've got the spray butter." Tony says.

"Then let's go." Clint says and he, Natasha and Tony all pick up the many plates and bowels and head out of the room.

* * *

A couple of minutes later Tony, Natasha and Clint walk out into the common areas where the others are and place the many bowels and plates that they are holding down on the table.

"We cannot eat that much food." Wanda comments, "Even with how much Steve and Tony eat."

"Don't worry, most of it won't be eaten." Natasha comments.

"Then what will happen to it?" Sam asks, not sure if he wants the answers

"It will be thrown, or used as some kind of weapon." Rhodey reveals as he joined in several of the movie nights after S.H.I.E.L.D fell.

"Really?" Wanda asks surprised.

"Yes." Steve answers, "Which is why Clint and Tony are going to be sitting on opposite sides of the room." He instructs as Clint and Tony were the ones who usually started the fights.

"Like that will help." Natasha comments as she sits down on one of the armchairs.

"Shove over." Tony says as he sits down next to Natasha, in a chair that was really only designed for one.

"Really? Do you have to?" Natasha asks as both she and Tony push and shove so they end up with their legs over either side with their backs against each other.

"Of course I do." Tony says as they both stop shoving one another as they are comfortable in their positions.

"That can't be comfortable." Sam comments.

"It is." Natasha and Tony say together.

"What movie are we watching?" Clint asks curious as he sits down across the room from Natasha and Tony, knowing better than to question their antics as he knows that they are just doing it to annoy one another.

"Back to the future." Rhodey answers.

"Wanda has never seen it." Sam explains.

"Wow, you're in for a treat." Clint says.

"Is everyone comfortable?" Steve asks, looking around the group and everyone nods, once he sees the nods he presses play and the movie starts.

Within ten minutes of the movie starting Clint starts to throw food into Natasha and Tony's mouths, getting perfect shots every time, and in response Natasha and Tony start to do the same thing.

"You know the rest of us would like to watch the movie without seeing food flying across the room." Rhodey comments.

"We're not hurting anyone." Clint says as he catches the popcorn that Natasha threw.

"Not yet anyway." Steve mutters as Tony catches the food Clint threw at him.

For the next few minutes Natasha, Clint and Tony continue to throw food to and at one another and it all goes pretty well until Tony's throw is off and he hits Sam.

"Sorry." Tony says as both Natasha and Clint try not to laugh.

"Really?" Sam asks as he wipes the food of his face.

"That was a horrible throw Tony." Natasha tells her friend as she throws something up into Tony's mouth.

"Yeah, I know." Tony admits, "Let me try again." Tony says as he throws something else at Clint, causing him to dive to catch it.

"Better, but not by much." Natasha tells Tony, looking over at him.

"Okay, maybe that's enough." Steve suggests, wanting to stop the fighting.

"Nah." Tony, Clint and Natasha say together, causing Steve to roll his eyes as he is pretty sure that before too long a food fight will break out, something which is proven true within fifteen minutes.

* * *

A few hours later, after cleaning up from the food fight started by Natasha's, Tony's and Clint's actions, everyone is heading to bed.

While she's getting ready for bed Natasha hears a knock on her door.

"Come in." Natasha says, and as she recognizes the knock Natasha isn't surprised when Tony walks in, "Hey." She comments

"Hey." Tony responds as he closes the door and walks a few steps into the room.

"Did you need something?" Natasha asks curious.

"No, I just want to say…. Thank you." Tony tells her.

"You've already thanked me." Natasha says as she stands up.

"I'm not just thanking you for getting me to come home, for getting me to give Steve another chance." Tony reveals, "I'm thanking you because… You were right. I do have two sides of me, and I hide, because that's what I've always done and not many people figure that out, they are just happy to accept the asshole as the only thing I am, but not you." Tony comments, "Pepper and Rhodey see the truth, but it took them a while, but you've had me figured out from the day you walked into my gym, how'd you do it?"

"It's what I do." Natasha says, stepping towards Tony, only telling part of the truth.

"That's not all." Tony says, taking a step towards Natasha, "You knew because of another way, how?"

"I know what it's like when you have to hide a side of yourself. I know what it's like to be fucked up, though I win on that one."

"You so do." Tony confirms, "Although the truth about my parents give me a few more points."

"Yeah, I'll give you that one." Natasha admits, and the two of them drift into silence as they exchange amused looks, "Did you want something else?" Natasha asks after about a minute.

"Yeah, don't kill me for this." Tony says before closing the distance and kissing Natasha. For a few seconds Tony is expecting Natasha to push him away but to his surprise she returns the kiss. Once he realises that Natasha isn't going to kill him Tony pulls Natasha in and the two of them continue to kiss, only splitting apart when they need air.

When they break apart Tony and Natasha look at one another in the eyes and neither see regret, or anger, they just see desire and so Natasha captures Tony's lips with her own and removes his jacket as the kiss. As they the kiss becomes more heated Tony puts his hands under Natasha's shirt and pulls it up and over her head. Once the shirt is removed Tony starts to kiss along Natasha's neck as the two of them make their way to the bed, neither thinking about what any of this is going to mean, they're just focusing on the desire to pleasure each other that they are feeling.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Everything belongs to their rightful owners.

 **AN1:** Thank you for all the support. ALSO thank you to everyone who has reviewed the last few chapters, I haven't been able to thank you.

* * *

It has been a month since Tony returned to the compound after leaving once he learnt the truth about what happened to Howard and Maria and ever since then Tony and Steve having been spending a lot of time together and they are trying to get to know each other as father and son rather than just friends and teammates.

It has also been a month since Tony and Natasha had sex for the first time and since then it has happened many time since. Even though Tony and Natasha are having sex several times a night, most nights, the two of them haven't talked about what they are doing, what their relationship is and they are choosing to ignore the fact that Sam, Rhodey, Clint, Vision, and Wanda have all realised what is going on between them, though, to the amusement of everyone, Steve is oblivious.

For the past four days Steve and Sam have been away from the compound as they have a lead on Bucky leaving the others behind and since even before they left Tony has been struggling with nightmares about several different things and so Tony is basically functioning on coffee and determination alone.

It is about seven am and Tony is in his lab where he has been for a few hours, ever since he woke up drenched in sweat and terror, and is just sitting down with his third cup of coffee when his phone rings.

"Who is it FRIDAY?" Tony asks curious, not looking up from what he is doing.

"Steve." FRIDAY answers.

"Oh put him through." Tony says, looking up, "You know you don't have to keep checking in, I'm not going to burn down the compound." Tony comments in a joking tone of voice.

"I'm not calling to make sure that you haven't destroyed anything. I'm checking in on you." Steve explains to his son, "How are you Tony?" Steve asks curious.

"I'm fine." Tony lies, "How's your search going?" he asks curious, wanting to change the subject.

"Not great, this was the first lead we've had in a while and it's lead nowhere." Steve comments, sounding both frustrated and disappointed.

"I'm sorry, Steve, I know how much you want to find him." Tony says actually meaning that.

"Yeah." Steve says, disappointment in his voice, "Um, so, Sam and I are on our way back, we'll be back tonight." He reveals.

"Okay, good. I'll see you then." Tony comments.

"Yeah, see you then." Steve says before hanging up.

After hanging up with Steve Tony picks up his coffee and gulps it down quickly before getting back to the work ignoring the scolding feeling in his throat.

* * *

About half an hour after his phone call with Steve Tony is still in his lab, on his next cup of coffee, working on his new suit.

"How many cups of coffee does that make?" Natasha asks as she walks into the lab, coming from the run she went on with Rhodey.

"I don't know, I've lost count." Tony admits, as he almost burns himself.

"Another new suit?" Natasha asks, noticing what he is doing.

"Yeah, there are always room for improvements." Tony comments, "Steve called." Tony reveals as Natasha sits down on the table next to him, "He and Sam will be home tonight."

"Good, that's good." Natasha comments, "You figured out how you are going to explain how exhausted you look?" she asks.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Tony lies, as he looks closer at what he is doing, clearly attempting to avoid talking about what Natasha is talking about.

"Tony." Natasha says in warning tone of voice, "Look at me." She requests and Tony does, "Look, I know actually talking is something neither of us particularly enjoy, or even want to do, but there is something we need to talk about." Natasha comments.

"Okay." Tony says, putting down what he is doing so that he can look right at Natasha.

"Look, we can pretend that the only reason we haven't slept in the same bed once in the last month is because of the fact that we both have extreme commitment and intimacy issues."

"Which we do." Tony adds.

"Oh yeah, without a doubt." Natasha adds with a smile, "But that's not the only reason we haven't slept in the same bed, and we both know it."

"Yeah, we do." Tony confirms, "I don't know the last time I got more than an hours sleep." Tony comments, "I'm having nightmares."

"I figured." Natasha comments in a kind voice as she reaches out and takes Tony's hand in a rare show of intimacy.

"I thought you did." Tony says, giving Natasha's hand a squeeze, "Is it really that noticeable?"

"A few days ago, only if you knew the signs, but today, definitely." Natasha comments, "He's going to notice and unlike me he's not going to let it go."

"Any advice?" Tony asks curious.

"Steve will push because he is worried, and he will push until he knows what's wrong, but he won't push if you don't want to go into details." Natasha admits.

"I don't know if I could." Tony admits, "Could you?" he asks as he knows that it's just not his nightmares that have kept them from sharing a bed.

"Probably not." Natasha admits.

"Didn't think so." Tony responds and the two of them drift into silence, "Do you want to do breakfast?" Tony asks curious.

"Breakfast?" Natasha asks surprised as she and Tony have been having sex but have never done anything more than that.

"Yeah, you know the meal usually eaten first thing in the morning, usually involves more than coffee." Tony says with a teasing grin.

"Yes, thank you, I know what breakfast is shellhead." Natasha says as she playfully nudges Tony.

"Just checking." Tony says with a grin, "So you interested? We could go into the city or even make breakfast together in the kitchen, my omelette's not half bad." He comments, "What do you think?"

"I think door number two." Natasha answers as it would be better.

"Okay, meet in the kitchen in ten minutes." Tony suggests.

"Sounds good." Natasha says, jumping down from the table, but then, before she walks away she decides to do something and she just leans down and gives Tony a quick kiss before she walks away, adding a familiarity, a closeness that they haven't had before.

"Huh." Tony says to himself as Natasha leaves, feeling amazed.

* * *

Twenty minutes later after getting a message from Clint, Rhodey is walking up the hallway towards the kitchen.

"What's going on?" Rhodey asks, "What's with the message?" he asks curious.

"Just look." Clint says and confused Rhodey walks over to Clint and looks over his shoulder, into the kitchen.

As Rhodey looks into the kitchen he realises, right away, why Clint messaged him as in the kitchen Natasha and Tony are cooking together, as a team, and they both look to be enjoying themselves, a lot.

"Holy crap, am I really seeing this?" Rhodey asks, sounding completely shocked.

"What Natasha Romanoff and Tony Stark acting coupley, together? Yeah." Clint answers, sounding surprised.

"Okay on my list of impossible things this would have been near the top." Rhodey comments.

"Yeah, mine too." Clint admits, "Not sure if I'd eat anything they cook though."

"Me either." Rhodey says, "It is nice to see though." He admits.

"It really is." Clint confirms and he and Rhodey just continue to watch their respective best friends together, both silently agreeing to disappear before Natasha and Tony finish eating so that they don't ruin things for their friends.

* * *

A couple of hours later while sitting next to each other in the plane on their way back to the compound and as they fly back Sam decides to ask Steve something he has been curious about for the last month.

"Why do you always have that with you?" Sam asks curious as Steve is holding Howard's journal in his hands.

"Howard wrote everything in here, his thoughts, his fears, his feelings, everything he wanted me to know, everything he was afraid to say." Steve says as he runs his hand over the front of the journal, "This is a piece of Howard." Steve explains, "Having this with me, feels like it feels when I have my shield, it feels like in a little way, he's back with me." Steve explains with a sad smile.

"Oh." Sam says, not sure how to respond to that.

"Yeah." Steve says, "He was right." Steve mutters and even though Sam hears the comment he decides not to question it.

* * *

A few hours later Steve and Sam have arrived back at the facility.

"I'm going to find Tony; I'll see you later." Steve tells Sam.

"Yeah, see ya, I have a poker game to win." Sam reveals.

"Good luck." Steve says as he and Sam go their separate directions Steve deciding not to question about the poker game.

* * *

A couple of minutes later Steve walks into the place where he has the most chance of finding his son, the lab, and just like he was expecting Steve finds his son sitting at his workbench, but what Steve wasn't expecting is that Tony looks like he hasn't slept since Steve has been gone and he looks far from okay.

"Tony." Steve says surprised.

"Hey, hey, Steve." Tony comments.

"Are you okay?" Steve asks concerned.

"I'm fine." Tony lies, as he avoids looking at his father.

"Are you sure?" Steve asks as he sits down next to Tony, "Because you don't look okay." he says and Tony can hear the worry in his voice.

"I'm fine. I just haven't been sleeping." Tony explains.

"Why not? Are you okay?" Steve asks.

"Yeah, it's nothing new." Tony says trying to keep Steve from worrying, "Can we talk in the morning? There is somewhere I have to be." Tony comments, partly lying as he and Natasha are meeting in her room in half an hour and he has a few things to organize before then.

"Sure." Steve says, though he is pretty sure that Tony is avoiding him.

"Great." Tony responds, "I'll see you later." Tony say before heading across the room, but then he stops at the door and turns back around, "I'm glad you're home." Tony says before leaving.

After watching his son go Steve looks around the room and all he sees is more than a few empty coffee cups and jugs, all of which cause his concern to grow. As his concern grows Steve decides that he might go and talk to the one person, he believes, might know what is going on with Tony, Rhodey.

* * *

A couple of minutes later Steve walks into one of the common areas where Sam, Rhodey and Clint are sitting around the table playing poker, all three of them have glasses of scotch and cigars.

"Hey Cap, you want to be dealt in?" Clint asks curious as he shuffles the deck.

"No, I'm good." Steve says, "How long have these poker games been going on?" he asks curious.

"About two months." Rhodey answers.

"How have I not noticed?" Steve asks surprised.

"You've been busy." Sam says, "You've either been spending time with Tony or you've had your noise in Howard's journal." He explains.

"Right." Steve says, as he takes a seat in the empty seat, "Is Tony okay?" he says, looking at Rhodey, "He doesn't seem like it."

"Everyone can see that he's not." Clint comments.

"I'd say Clint's right, but I don't know for sure, he hasn't talked to me." Rhodey comments, "You might want to try talking to Nat, she might know." He says, completely forgetting that Steve hasn't realised what is going on with Tony and Natasha.

"That would make sense, especially with what's going on with them." Clint says, as he deals the cards for the next hand.

"What do you mean what's going on with them?" Steve asks confused.

"They're together." Sam reveals, "Or just having sex. It's hard to tell with them." He explains, "Two please." He tells Clint who deals the cards.

"What?" Steve asks shocked.

"I think it's more." Clint comments as he hands Sam his cards, "Even if they haven't realised that, especially after what happened today." He says as Rhodey signals three cards so Clint hands him, "and I'll take two as well."

"What happened today?" Sam asks curious.

"They made breakfast together." Rhodey reveals, "As a perfect team and all coupley." He explains.

"Wow." Sam says shocked.

"Wait, go back, Nat and Tony are together?" Steve asks.

"Yep." Sam, Rhodey and Clint say together.

"My son Tony and friend Nat?" Steve asks once more, wanting to be sure.

"Yeah, that would be them." Clint says, amusement clear in his voice.

"How long has this been going on?" Steve asks, not sure how to react.

"About a month." Sam answers, "I'm actually amazed that you haven't realised sooner, everyone else has." He explains.

"Huh." Steve says, "You think Nat might know what's going on?" Steve says, briefly wondering whether it is a wrong to go to his son's girlfriend, or whatever Natasha is to Tony, to find out what is going on with Tony.

"There's a good chance she would." Rhodey admits.

"I saw her in the gym before, I think she would still be there." Clint reveals.

"Okay, thanks." Steve says, standing up.

"Are we going to play poker or not?" Sam asks as Steve walks out the room.

"Why Wilson are you eager to lose again?" Rhodey asks, casing Steve to shake his head as he walks down the corridor.

* * *

A couple of minutes later Steve is walking up to the gym when Natasha walks out.

"Nat."

"Hey Steve, glad you're back." Natasha comments when she sees her friend.

"Thanks." Steve responds, as the two of them start to walk down the corridor, "I want to ask you something, about Tony." Steve explains.

"Okay." Natasha says, knowing that this is going to go either one of two ways and she isn't sure which one it's going to be.

"He doesn't seem okay and Rhodey said that you might know why that is." Steve explains.

"Oh he did, did he?" Natasha asks, and Steve nods, "Yeah, I do." She confirms.

"What's going on? Is he okay?" Steve asks worried and Natasha has to try and think the right way to respond to that.

"I can't tell you. I can't break his confidence." Natasha tells Steve, as she has no idea what is going on with her and Tony, or what they will become, all she knows is that she can't break his confidence if they want to become anything.

"Nat, please." Steve asks, it being more than clear how worried he is, as they stop walking.

"I can't, I won't." Natasha tells him, "You need to try talking to him yourself again." She reveals, making Steve wonder how she knows that he and Tony have already talked, "What I will say is that he needs you, Steve, and you need to push because he won't." Natasha explains, "I've got to go. I have plans." She says before walking down the corridor.

"NAT." Steve calls and she turns around, "Sam, Rhodey and Clint said that you and Tony have been together for a month, have you?" he asks.

"That really depends on your definition of together." Natasha admits, "But for arguments sake, yeah." Natasha says before she turns and continues to walk down the corridor, leaving Steve standing alone.

* * *

A few minutes later Natasha walks into her room and to her surprise she doesn't find Tony naked, in her bed, like she has more than a few times, she finds a picnic blanket with an entire meal on it on the floor and Tony lighting candles that are on her bookshelf.

"Tony?" Natasha asks, not wanting to admit that he has actually surprised her.

"Nat, hey." Tony says, turning around.

"What's all this?" Natasha asks curious as she closes the door.

"I thought you would recognize a picnic." Tony says with a smirk.

"Cute, Tony."

"That's what I am." Tony says grinning, "I thought we could have an actual diner first instead of sneaking to the kitchen for left overs." He explains.

"That would be good." Natasha comments, as she is getting a little sick of leftovers, "But I've spent the last few hours in the gym, so I really need a shower." Natasha comments.

"Guess it's a good thing the food will keep then." Tony comments.

"Yeah, it is." Natasha says, heading to her adjoining bathroom as she removes her shirt, "Join me?" Natasha asks with a flirty smirk as she gets to the door. Returning the smile Tony just follows Natasha into her bathroom, removing his own shirt a she goes.

* * *

A few hours later Natasha and Tony are sleeping in the same bed for the first time ever, and have been for less than an hour, but they are quickly going to learn why they haven't been doing that. As she is a deep sleeper Natasha is woken the second she starts to hear someone talking, so acting on instinct Natasha quickly pulls her hidden gun before she has even open her eyes fully and points it a where the sounds are coming from and as she does Natasha realises that it is Tony tossing and turning, muttering to himself.

"Tony." Natasha says worried, putting her gun on the bedside table, "Tony, wake up." Natasha says, shaking him awake.

"I'M SORRY." Tony says, bolting upright, drenched in sweat, looking terrified.

"Tony, you're okay, listen to my voice, you're safe, you're home." Natasha says in a kind, quiet voice, not touching Tony as she knows that he'll likely just react badly to that.

"Nat?" Tony asks, his breathing heavy.

"Yeah, you're okay, Tony." Natasha informs him, "You're home."

"Home." Tony repeats, like he is trying to reassure himself that everything is okay, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You don't have to apologise." Natasha informs him, "We both knew what we were getting into."

"Yeah, guess we do." Tony responds, "I need to go to the lab." Tony says, throwing his blanket off, looking panicked.

"Tony."

"I … just… need to work." Tony says as he puts on his pants and picks up a shirt and heads out of the room.

For about a minute Natasha debates what to do and then the answer comes to her and puts on a pair of underwear and then picks up the first shirt she can find, which turns out to be one of the shirts that Tony left one night, puts it on and then heads out of her room too.

* * *

A couple of minutes later Natasha walks into the lab where she finds Tony sitting on the ground, leaning against his work bench, looking pale, clammy and shaking. So, without a word Natasha walks over and sits next to him, making sure that he heard her walking over so that she doesn't scare him.

For a couple of minutes Natasha and Tony just sit side by side, close enough so that their shoulders are touching, Natasha purposely avoiding thinking about how cold the floor surprisingly is.

"Guess our sharing a bed went about as good as we were expecting." Tony comments, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, I'd say so. I didn't shoot you though, so I'd say that things didn't go as bad as they could have." Natasha says, trying to make things seem better than she knows they are.

"That's good, I really don't want to get shot." Tony comments, "I'm a mess."

"We both are." Natasha counters.

"I think that's why we work." Tony admits, telling the truth.

"You think we work?" Natasha asks, sounding surprised.

"Yeah, I think we do." Tony admits, "I mean we probably get each other more than anyone. Plus, who else would not only put up with but be okay with our insanity and the dangerous, reckless, questionable and stupid things we do." Tony comments.

"Good point." Natasha admits, being pretty sure that everything that Tony just said is true, "I wouldn't say no to something more." She admits.

"Neither would I." Tony responds and the two of them drift into silence.

For a few more minutes Natasha and Tony just continue to sit side by side, neither speaking as Tony attempts to get his berthing under control.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Natasha asks.

"It was what I've been seeing for years." Tony admits, "Everyone's dead because of me, and my Dads were telling me how much of a disappointment I am, how I'll never be good enough." He explains, not noticing that he said Dads plural.

"That's not true, you know that right." Natasha says, knowing that it would be better not to mention that Tony said Dads plural.

"Is it?" Tony asks, "I created Ultron, I blew Sokovia, and my weapons killed so many people, they destroyed so many lives." Tony says, his breathing becoming heavy once more, "It's all…... I…..." Tony says, and he clearly starts to struggle even more.

"Tony, hey, look at me." Natasha says, moving so that she is right in front of Tony, "Listen to my voice, focus on me." She requests.

"Can't…" Tony says as his heavy breathing turns into a panic attack.

"TONY, just listen to me. Nothing else is going on, it's just me and you we're in your lab, in your safe place." Natasha says.

"Tony." A voice says and Natasha turns around and sees Steve walking into the lab, "What's wrong?" Steve asks worried as he hurries over, "Are you okay?" he asks and Tony just shakes his head.

"Just listen to us, Tony." Natasha tells him, "It's just me and Steve, no one else." She tells him as Steve squats down in front of his son to, having no idea what to say so he reaches out and takes his son's hand. Seeing the action Natasha is about to stop Steve but then she notices that Tony gets the smallest look of joy at Steve's action, he looks more relaxed, though it's just a little, "Give him a hug." Natasha tells Steve.

"Is that okay?" Steve asks and Tony nods So Steve moves over and puts his arm around his son, pulling him in close.

"You're okay, Tony, jut focus on us." Natasha says and for the next couple of minutes Natasha and Steve just sit with Tony as he struggles until he has managed to calm himself down.

"I think I'm okay." Tony manages to say, but he doesn't move away from Steve.

"I'll let you two talk." Natasha tells Tony, giving him a 'you're okay' look as she goes, knowing that considering his dreams Steve would be able to help Tony more than her.

"Am I ever going to get my shirt back?" Tony calls after Natasha.

"You left it in my room, it's mine now." Natasha says before leaving.

"What happened?" Steve asks concerned, noticing the amused but joyful look on his son's face as he banters with Natasha.

"I have nightmares." Tony reveals, "They've been bad lately, and what you just saw happens when they get bad." He admits.

"Do you want to talk about them?" Steve asks curious, wanting to help him.

"No. Telling Nat lead to what you just saw." Tony admits, as he tries and fails to keep a yawn in, "I'm so tired." He admits.

"Then maybe you should try to get some more sleep." Steve suggests.

"I can't, if I sleep I have nightmares, and I don't want to see that again." Tony admits, "But I'm so tired." He says as he leans his head on Steve's shoulder.

"What if I stayed with you, and wake you up if I start to see you starting to have a nightmare." Steve suggests.

"You'd do that?" Tony asks, sound surprised by that.

"Of course I would." Steve responds.

"Thank you… Dad." Tony says, his voice sounding nervous.

"You don't have to thank me Tony." Steve says, "You're my son, and I love you, I'll always be here to help; even if it's just sitting with you after a bad dream."

"I've never had that." Tony admits, "I know he had his reasons but that doesn't change the fact that Dad was never for me, he didn't help me after a bad dream, I was never good enough." He admits.

"You were Tony, he loved you more than anything." Steve tells is son, "But I know that doesn't make up for the kind of father Howard was.

"I just wanted to make him proud." Tony admits, doing something he would never do if he wasn't so tried.

"You did make him proud, Tony, and you make me proud." Steve assures his son, and Tony doesn't respond, "Tony?" he asks but as he looks over to his son he notices that Tony is asleep, "Let's get you to bed." Steve tells his son before, moving as slow as possible so that he doesn't wake Tony, Steve picks up his son and carries him out of the lab.

* * *

A few minutes later Steve and Tony have gotten to Tony's room and Steve has gently lane his son down on his bed and has just finished tucking him in.

"I'm sorry that you didn't get to experience this more." Steve says as he places a kiss on his son's head, "And I wish I could keep away your nightmares." He says then and an idea comes to him, so after sitting down next to Tony Steve pulls out the journal out of his pocket, turns to a page, and he starts to read out loud to his son, hoping that it helps.

 _A piece of you, that's what our son is, he's a piece of you, and me, but he's so much more. He's going to be great, I can just know it, how could he not with you as his father. I spent hours thinking today, obsessing really, about what our son will be, I was so distracted that I almost blew up the lab. Don't worry, Jarvis made sure I didn't and is going to supervise me from now on, usually I'd be insulted but I think it's warranted. Anyway, I was thinking about everything and I realised that it doesn't matter what he becomes I just want him to live, I want him to be happy, and healthy and safe. I want him to know that he is loved, that he was created out of love, and I want him to know you, please Steve, please, come home to us._

After he reads the first entry Steve looks over at Tony and once he is sure that his son is sleeping safely Steve continues to read, hoping that his son can get some sleep without nightmares as he knows that Howard was right Tony is a piece of both of them, but he is so much more, and Steve is going to do his best to make sure he sees that. He is going to show his son the amazing person he is and he is going to help him see what Howard wanted most for him, Steve is going to show Tony just how loved he is.

 **The end**

An2: So I wasn't really sure where to go next which is why I have ended this.


End file.
